Upon starting this blog, I was really struggling to decide the topics I would cover. This is a reflection, and it should be easy for me to find a couple of topics to go over for the past year. It turns out that the struggle tends to be where to focus. 2019 has been a busy year on the work front and in my personal life. That’s not to say that there is a lot of trouble in 2019, but to give credit to how many things I thought were accomplished.

I think I mentioned in my reflection from 2018 that there were a couple of additions to my home. I will still reflect on them positively, but I don’t think I realized how much of an impact they would have on my life. These new relationships become more demanding over time and tend to take up more space in my life. This can be overwhelming. I realized that taking advantage of every time that I have to enjoy myself should be first nature, no matter where these enjoyable experiences. My responsibilities have become demanding, just as I have worked towards. I’ve spent more time focused on what I need to do in order to become “successful,” even at times sacrificing other priorities. When looking back at the year, I almost begin to feel guilty about these things that I have set aside to feel more confident about myself and my role as a friend, partner, and provider.

Change

These previous statements could easily have you guessing that I need to change the way I approach my responsibilities. However, I’m not sure that I do. I have a lot of personality and a lot of energy tied up in what I do for work and hobbies. These things are important to me and provide me happiness elsewhere. I really believe I would be miserable without it. I think I cycle through this feeling of guilt and this understanding that I need to work hard at what I love. It’s difficult to understand how you come across to others at times, but I know I’m a happier person when I’m improving. Whether the improvements be at work or with my relationships, my pride and feeling of accomplishment becomes very apparent to me (and others, I imagine).

In this way, I am healthier to be around. I’ve allowed myself to set boundaries that I was once uncomfortable with. I’ve felt more confident about my approach to others, truly believing that the way I am operating is the best way for me and the most beneficial to others. That’s one thing that always stuck out to me. I’ve witnessed situations where people want to be better to others. They don’t care what it takes, but they want to be liked. I feel like I’ve finally decided that I’m much better for others if I am taking action on finding my own happiness versus trying to make sure they were happy. In the future, I see my growth still leaning towards being authentic versus censoring myself for others. This is still something I’d love to work on and don’t feel like there needs to be a stopping point.

I’ve just discovered that how I feel directly relates to the way I treat others. I want others to be happy around me, and even more so if I’m happy as well. I want to feel like those around me enjoy themselves. It’s odd for me to process through this, as it has been obvious and mostly unacknowledged for the majority of the year.

Growth In All Directions

I’ll continue to reflect in broad terms when addressing the growth around me. It seems that the growth I’ve witnessed this past year has been across all fronts. This is difficult, given that change can be a struggle, but I definitely look back at it with reasons to celebrate. Witnessing our team grow at The Counseling Hub, I couldn’t help but look at it as an opportunity to grow clinically and a reason to remain confident in my abilities and the abilities of others. If I’m feeling confident, I usually find myself thinking about relationships and connections that I can learn from. The growth of these relationships has not only benefited us as a practice, but are very significant for myself. I enjoy having conversations with new people, and that opportunity is always presenting itself.

Growth at home looks much different. It’s a different type of growth, but it is still very satisfying on a personal level. My oldest, a large, rambunctious, adolescent dog, has become much more of partner to whoever is home with him. Training in the earliest part of this past year has helped so much and reminded us that we need to keep him busy. It’s a lot of simple games, but he tends to avoid trouble when he is performing tasks. Imagine that!! He is attached to us and is very protective, which can be very frustrating as going to the restroom alone happens very infrequently anymore. However, I always find myself remaining thankful for the presence and excitement that he brings to our home. He is a protector and through one minor sickness this year, we were reminded of how much we care for him and his bumbling through our home with less grace than we thought possible.

My daughter has developed into a very social child that has altered most of what I believed my future would look like. I don’t feel that I’ve (we’ve) given much up for her. Instead, I feel that we’ve been given much more opportunities for joy and new experiences. The experiences, or growth with a positive spin, are not always enjoyable. Continued growth has come with surprises and laughs that continue to brighten the way we move through life at home. It also comes with worry as any first-time parents would experience. It’s been a ride, and I think I’m right where I would like to be.

Through these experiences, I’ve been reminded that my positivity is so much more important than I imagined. Items can be replaced, and there is no need to damage a relationship due to the stress that comes with the loss and damage of the items that we covet. These small inconveniences caused by true inexperience are easy to forgive. This period is transitional and not permanent. There is no need for me to interpret this as a stressful time in my life. I want to look back and remember the humor and positive growth, rather than to focus on the setbacks. Of course, it’s easier to see this now. I’m not sure I had this view earlier in the year, but I’m glad I’m able to reflect on this with this attitude. Realizing that I can give energy to certain thoughts and refrain from energizing negative thoughts has been relaxing. That’s a newer idea for me, as I tend to move from thing to thing in order to stay busy. Given that I’ve had time to sit and think, I definitely have to continue to remind myself that I can have more control than I’ve allowed myself in previous times.

Moving At My Own Pace

Hurried growth for me is difficult to maintain and handle, whether it is personal or professional. It comes with more frequent setbacks and I think the positive outlook, along with patience, has allowed me to not feel defeated. I’m still a mess at time, but I’m starting to believe that my “mess” is actually organized chaos. I’m happy with the tasks that I have and when I’m unable to take time to reflect, I have a much different view. I can begin to feel overwhelmed, until I realize that I have everything I need and am continuing to grow in many areas of life. I also find comfort in this change, given that most of the changes around me are growth, therefore appearing more positive and easier to accept.

While approaching the end of this reflection, I have come to realize that it is much more difficult to reflect accurately when thinking about the busy that comes with the holiday season. It’s important to understand that this time of year can be exactly what you want it to be. This is a time for family, but all families look different and families can appear in many different groups. I’ve tried to keep in mind that I should connect meaningfully with those that I enjoy. We’re told to enjoy the holidays, so we should be allowed to take the necessary steps to ensure that this is truly a time we enjoy. Set those boundaries and spend that quality time with those you love! Engage in activities that are enjoyable and allow yourself to decline an invitation if it is overwhelming! Keep in mind that many obligations we have were self-decided. While I made the decision to engage, I’ve also exercised my right to engage in self-care. It’s important to make decisions that are for you rather than decisions that are made for others around us. I, mistakenly, have been consumed with this tense feeling that accompanies the holiday rush and that pulled me away from much of what I typically enjoy. It initially made the reflection more difficult.

 This year is coming to a close without many regrets and I’m thankful that this is my situation. I’ve gone into many new years thinking that I could’ve done more, and I finally feel like I am in a great position. I’m looking forward to further growth and continuing to build on the relationships that I have established. I’m looking forward to continuing to take time to focus on my family and my interests in order to feel less resentful about the obligations that I have. It’s important to be able to find balance in life, and I feel like I’m approaching this goal consistently and at a satisfying pace.

Looking at it now, I’ve realized that this reflection helped to refocus myself on the things that matter most to me. Closing out 2019 is an exciting idea for me! New goals, not necessarily resolutions, are in my thoughts for 2020. I feel like I’m embracing these goals more than I have in previous years. I’m encouraged, and I hope there are similar feelings around me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

TIM FITZPATRICK

PLPC | INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING

Tim is a provisional counselor with The Counseling Hub, a counseling practice in Columbia, Mo that focuses on meaningful connection between self, partners, and others. Tim enjoys working with both adolescents and adults on issues regarding making major life changes or transitions, enhancing and building meaningful relationships, wanting to build confidence, wanting to grow self-esteem, anxiety, depression, experiencing an inability to enjoy life, and feeling as though they are being taken advantage of. Tim is an active member of the American Counseling Association, the national counseling association for the United States.

Tim earned his Master's of Science in Clinical Counseling from Central Methodist University. He is currently a Provisional Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Missouri and has presented and written on topics including the influence of parental support on depressive symptoms, ethical practice, and the development of adults based on marital status.