How to Navigate Intimacy When You Have Different Desires in Bed

The initial stages of a romantic relationship can be some of the most exciting times in life. Finding a strong connection with another person is an incredibly special experience, and it can change your life. However, everyone has their differences, no matter how compatible they are. And some of these differences aren't obvious right away.

It's completely normal for couples to not agree on everything. People in a relationship can have disagreements and different preferences and still be well suited for each other. Making space for these differences and finding compromise when necessary is a central part of strong, healthy relationships.

Sex and physical intimacy are important aspects of a strong relationship—they deepen physical and emotional connections at the same time. However, it's not uncommon for partners to have different desires in bed. Fortunately, there are some solid strategies you can use to navigate these differences in a healthy way.

Be Open and Honest

Don't be afraid to bring up how you're feeling to your partner. There's a good chance that they are even feeling the same way. Good communication is important in every aspect of a relationship, and that includes intimacy. The longer you go without expressing your needs, the more difficult it will be to open up in the future.

Set up a time to check in with your partner about how you've been feeling. Make sure you're being mindful of your tone of voice as well as the words that you're choosing to use. Try to frame things from your perspective by using "I" statements. "You" statements can make your partner feel like they have to defend themselves.

Practice Active Listening

Even if you're the one starting the conversation, listening is part of communicating. You have to allow time for both you and your partner to speak your mind. When your partner is talking to you about how they're feeling, make sure you're giving them your full and undivided attention.

There are some good techniques for listening well: Turn off any distractions. Lean in to show that you're engaged. Instead of thinking about how you're going to respond to them when they're talking to you, make sure you're fully understanding them. When they're done talking, ask any clarifying questions to ensure that you're on the same page.

Spend Time Together

Make sure you're dedicating just as much time outside of the bedroom as well. Just because you and your partner may share different desires in bed doesn't mean you can't spend quality time together.

Engaging in different activities together can deepen your connection and bond, which can transfer to the bedroom as well. This time spent together should also include being affectionate with and towards one another. Maintain a sense of closeness in and out of the bedroom by hugging, cuddling, or kissing.

Explore

Keep your relationship fresh and interesting by trying new things together, in and out of the bedroom. Book a reservation at a new restaurant, sign up for a class together, or try out a new position in bed the next time you're intimate. These new experiences can help refresh your relationship, and you might even discover a new favorite activity with your partner.

Work with a Professional

If you and your partner are struggling with different desires in bed, it's important to know that you're definitely not the first couple to experience something like this. This isn't an indicator that you and your partner aren't right for one another. It just means that you may be on different pages in the chapter of your life.

Working with a couples counselor can help you get on the same page again. Are you and your partner ready to turn the page and start fresh? Reach out today to set up an initial consultation.