What the Holidays Teach Us About Belonging and Self-Worth

The holidays can bring out a lot at once. Grateful moments, joy, connection—but also overwhelm, sadness, and that weird ache that shows up when we least expect it. For some people, it’s the flurry of dinner plans or family traditions. For others, it’s quieter and heavier, like the nagging pressure to feel grateful when something actually feels off. This season has a sneaky habit of triggering questions most of us don't say out loud. Do I really belong here? Does anyone notice who I actually am?

For anyone working with an LGBTQ therapist in Columbia MO, these aren’t just holiday-season questions. They’re year-round themes that only get louder in December. When everything seems to be pointing toward closeness, tradition, and togetherness, it raises a tough mirror: where do I fit? Let’s look at what the end of the year can actually teach us about self-worth, belonging, and the messiness that can come with both.

The Holidays Highlight Why Belonging Feels Complicated

This is the time of year when everything speeds up and slows down all at once. We land back in familiar places. Maybe that’s a living room that hasn’t changed in 20 years. Or maybe it’s a quiet apartment that feels more peaceful because we've decided to keep our distance this year. Either way, patterns show up fast.

Old family roles can flood back like muscle memory. We catch ourselves people-pleasing at lightning speed or sitting in silence to not rock the boat. Some traditions bring comfort. Others feel like reminders that we’re different in ways others still don’t see—or choose not to.

There’s a specific kind of pain in being surrounded by people and still feeling invisible. Like showing up year after year to the same gathering, and still being asked if you’ve “met the right person yet,” when you’ve already shared who your partner is. Or biting your tongue when someone casually jokes about who’s “normal” or what relationships “should” look like. For many LGBTQ+ people, these moments aren’t just cringe—they’re tiny heartbreaks that add up.

Clients at The Counseling Hub can request to work with an LGBTQ therapist in Columbia MO who brings not just clinical skills, but lived understanding of these layered experiences and local Columbia culture. This match often helps people feel braver about unpacking this sense of complicated belonging.

Why December Can Stir Up Questions About Self-Worth

Let’s be honest. December comes with pressure—big time. Look at any scroll through X or Instagram and it’s baked in. Matching pajamas. Decorations that rival department stores. Families that seem pulled from holiday movie scripts. It’s easy to fall into wondering if we’re measuring up, even if we know better.

When it feels like everyone else is thriving, our inner critic gets louder. Why aren't we as happy? Why can’t we just feel grateful for what we do have? Add the weight of feeling unseen—especially around extended family—and you’ve got a mix that can chip away at self-worth, fast.

There’s a mental loop some of us fall into: “If I was easier, the holidays would go smoother.” Or, “I should just let that remark go and be grateful I was invited.” But those thoughts are often soaked in shame. And shame thrives in silence. The thing is, these aren’t just harmless passing thoughts—they’re stories we’ve believed for a long time. The holidays just crank up the volume.

What Rebuilding Belonging Actually Looks Like

Belonging isn’t about fitting into someone else’s mold. It’s about being seen as you are and still being welcomed. Sometimes that looks like setting boundaries that make people uncomfortable. Not as punishment, but because you’re choosing yourself.

And sometimes, it’s in the small stuff. The friend who texts “thinking of you” after family dinner. The cousin who uses your correct pronouns without hesitation. The barista down the street who remembers your name and your order. These moments of being seen—truly seen—build slowly but they matter.

We’ve seen a lot of people wrestle with this in sessions. When someone connects with an LGBTQ therapist in Columbia MO, they’re often unpacking years of messages about worth, love, and where they’re “allowed” to belong. Therapy helps name the shame. And when we name it, we can question it. We can begin to choose our belonging, instead of waiting for someone else to grant it.

The Counseling Hub’s clinicians specialize in support for LGBTQ+ clients and families, offering both in-person and virtual therapy. Their training and community knowledge lets them address identity, belonging, and self-worth in ways that are honest and affirming—not just safe or “tolerant.”

Holding onto Worthiness When the Pressure Creeps In

Worthiness doesn’t show up when we’ve checked a bunch of boxes. It shows up when we decide we don’t need to change who we are to deserve love or respect. That honesty is disruptive in all the right ways.

Still, the holidays have a way of making it feel like you're falling short if you're not cheerful, coupled, or showing up with some version of perfection. We’re calling BS on that. Worth isn’t earned by being likable. It’s already there, even on the days that feel messy or heavy or unfinished.

When the shoulds start rolling in—”I should be helping more,” “I should be easier to be around,” “I should be happy”—try something different. Pause. Ask who benefits from those thoughts. And then redirect toward something more true. Like, “I get to rest, even if others don’t understand it.” Or, “Discomfort isn’t danger.” That’s what grounding looks like when everyone else seems to be performing joy.

Choosing to stay rooted in self-worth during the holidays is radical. And it’s deeply necessary. Taking a walk, skipping an event, turning your phone off after a hard day—none of that is checking out. It’s choosing not to abandon yourself when everything else tries to pull you away.

Why This Season Can Still Teach You Something Beautiful

The holidays don’t have to be shiny to mean something. Sometimes the mess is what actually matters. The tearful hug after a boundary. The quiet night that used to be loud and chaotic. The unexpected laugh with someone who gets it. These moments might not look like much, but they’re the ones we remember.

Belonging and self-worth aren’t things you earn by showing up a certain way. They’re things you build—through the honest conversations, the brave no’s, and the tiny yeses to yourself. And maybe that’s the real gift December gives us. A chance to stop pretending and start choosing what actually feels right.

There’s a lot that can make this season complicated, especially if you live at any kind of intersection of identities or experiences that don’t match the status quo. But connection is still possible. Real, grounded, don’t-have-to-pull-punches kind of connection. And when it comes, in whatever form, it’s worth holding close.

If this season has stirred up more questions than peace, you're not alone, and you’re not doing it wrong. Whether you're sorting through family systems, identity shifts, or the exhausting pressure to feel “okay,” therapy can create space for all the messy, beautiful truth. Working with an affirming, supportive professional who gets it can help you reclaim your voice and reconnect with your worth, especially when the world feels louder than usual. If you’re looking for a compassionate and experienced LGBTQ therapist in Columbia, MO, we’re here—ready to walk with you through whoever, wherever, and however you are. Reach out to The Counseling Hub to get started.