Will counseling work for me or my situation?
Individual Counseling & Therapy, Marriage Counseling & Couples Therapy, & Online Counseling
Columbia, MO
This is a ridiculously common question people have when they inquire about our counseling services and it’s one that we understand at a deep level. It’s pretty darn important to our team that you’re getting what you need out of your individual counseling and therapy or couples therapy and marriage counseling. You’re investing your time, your money, and your energy into a service that has no guaranteed outcome. It’s a big decision to make and one that an take people months (if not years) to fully decide upon and commit to. We get it.
So…? Will counseling/therapy work for me?
Long and short answer is maybe. We wish we could give you a definitive answer to this question, but we can’t. Otherwise we’d be liars, and that’s obviously being worse than honesty from the outset.
What we can do is talk to you about what we know makes for effective/successful/good counseling and then you can decide from there whether or not you think this will work for you!
Counseling/therapy is effective, period
Here’s one thing we know. Engaging in counseling/therapy is more effective than not engaging in counseling/therapy, period. This probably seems obvious, but is important to clarify. If you’re wondering to yourself (or out loud) about whether you should even try to go to counseling, especially if you’ve never gone before, then our answer is yes.
The caveat is that we’re biased. Please keep that in mind. We love counseling, love what we do, and hardcore believe in its effectiveness, so of course we would say that you should try it, especially if you never have before.
Give it three sessions
If you’re feeling on the fence about starting or attending, then you should give it three sessions to get a feel for whether or not it’s a fit for you. Some people just don’t like counseling/therapy (#WhoAreThesePeople #WeKnowTheyExist #Unicorns). But others really just need a few sessions to feel settled, get a sense of who their clinician is, open up, and really start to dig into the work they’re here to do. But it can take a few sessions, so it’s something to keep in mind for when you set out to start counseling.
If you’re really not feeling it after those three sessions, then we’d encourage you to bring it up directly with your clinician. Ideally, it’s something that you both can work through. If not, then it’s time to move on. No hard feelings about this because your relationship with your clinician is the most important component of the work you do.
You might also want to know how to tell if your counselor is any good. This is something you can be thinking about as your trying to find that right counselor/therapist to work with.
The relationship with your clinician is IMPERATIVE
We cannot overstate the importance of your relationship with your clinician. Basically, it’s the linchpin for successful counseling (literally). Ideally, you’re feeling understood, seen, validated, empathized with, soothed, respected, and valued.
And if you’re needing more insight on this, here’s what you should look for in a counselor. It’s a hard decision and one that’s sort of similar to a blind date, but it’s so damn important!! And we want you to have the best fit possible from the outset. This is also something you can email us directly about to try to find that ideal clinician.
Your counseling needs to know more than you
Here’s what we mean. You want your counselor to have a bigger conceptual map or theoretical working model than what you have. In layperson terms, this means that your counselor/therapist should know more about your ‘problem’ than you do. Not the specifics of your situation, necessarily, but the topic you’re bringing in to discuss. For example, if you’re coming in to discuss anxiety, your counselor should have a bigger understanding of anxiety than you do. For the record, that’s not to say you don’t have any idea about the research around anxiety or the multitude of factors associated with anxiety. What this does mean is that your clinician should have more knowledge. The purpose of this is twofold.
Appropriate referrals
If your counselor knows a lot about the topic/issue you’re coming in with, then they also know when they can’t help you. That sounds wild, probably, but bear with us. Counselors specialize in the same way that other professionals specialize. Ideally, you’ve sought out a counselor who you know specializes in the topic you’re coming in for. If you haven’t done this, no worries. If your counselor realizes that they’re practicing outside the their competence, then they would talk with you about referring you to a clinician who does the work that you need.Collaborative care
If your counselor has the sense that additional services are needed, then they’ll first bring it up with you and second (with your consent and interest) collaborate with an additional provider. A counselor who doesn’t have a working conceptual lens that’s big enough to capture your problems won’t know when to discuss collaborative treatment. When your counselor does have a large conceptual lens, then they know when to bring up collaborative treatment with you and how to collaborate with another provider.
Counseling can feel hard
Something to keep in mind about counseling and therapy is that even when it’s going well, it can feel hard. It can be emotionally taxing, mentally exhausting, and filled with grief even in the midst of insights. THIS DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT WORKING!!!
This is such a crucial point. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s ineffective or not working. Growth isn’t painless, but when it’s done in a safe environment with a person that you trust, it’s worth it.
Have questions or want to schedule?
Perfect! Let us know what questions you have by emailing us directly, submitting info via our contact form, or call us at (573) 586-3204.
Still want to hear more or still feeling unsure? Watch the video to the right!
Tara breaks down factors you might want to keep in mind when you’re asking yourself whether counseling will work for you or your situation.