May your days be merry and bright…
One of the things I cherish most about the holidays is the music. A while back, I put together a playlist, and I keep adding my favorite artists' renditions of Christmas songs to it. Whenever I listen to it, I can't help but notice a common theme: most of the songs are about being with someone special. Often, they describe someone coming home to a significant other or being surrounded by family. While this time of year is often seen as a time to come together and spend time with loved ones, that may not be the reality for everyone. For some, the holidays can bring feelings of pain and loss, making the season more difficult to navigate.
Understanding grief
The American Psychological Association defines grief as “the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually death of a beloved person. Grief often includes physiological distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, obsessive dwelling on the past, and apprehension about the future.” (https://dictionary.apa.org/grief, 04/19/2018) While this definition includes the death of a beloved, it also mentions any significant loss, which could be a recent divorce, breakup, loss of a pet, and going no contact with your family. Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some may experience anger or sadness, while others feel a mix of emotions. One day, you might feel like you’ve got a handle on your grief, and the next, it can completely overwhelm you. The holidays, in particular, can amplify those feelings, especially if it's the first one after a loss.
Setting the groundwork
One of the first things I tell my clients who are dealing with grief and loss around the holidays is to have a plan. Learn the things that may have an impact on you as you move through the holidays and set a routine that sets you up for an easy win. This can look like:
creating a new routine that gives you the space to grieve and take care of yourself;
doing things that fill your cup up and help you feel productive;
spending time with people who support you;
creating new traditions that are exciting for you. If your loss revolves around the death of a loved one, maybe that tradition is something that would honor them and the life they lived.
Remember to take care of yourself
Grief can be overwhelming, so be kind to yourself during this time. If it starts to feel like too much, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional for support. Be patient with yourself–what might normally feel easy may not right now, and that’s okay. Allow yourself the space to process, cry, or feel your emotions as they come, without judgment.
Ultimately, honor what you need this holiday season.
Written by Clinical Therapist Alexa Robinson