How Do Couples Know if the Gottman Method Is Working?
The Gottman Method is one of the most researched and widely used approaches for relationship counseling. It focuses on helping couples build stronger connections, manage conflict in healthy ways, and create shared meaning in their lives.
But when you start something new, it’s common to wonder how you will know when it actually works. Whether you’re new to the Gottman Method or you’ve been using it for a while, progress won’t necessarily be dramatic. The lights won’t brighten, music won’t play, and confetti won’t fall from the sky. But that doesn’t mean that there won’t be signs.
There are both big and small signs that show couples that their relationship is moving in a healthy direction. So, how do couples know if the Gottman Method is working for them? Let’s find out!
Arguments Feel Different
One of the first signs that the Gottman Method is working is that conflict can start to feel different from how it may have been in the past. You may still disagree on things here and there, which is a completely normal aspect of relationships, but things may not be escalating in ways that they used to.
When the Gottman Method shows signs of working, you’ll notice less shouting, shutting down, fighting to win, or bringing up the past. Instead, you may notice that you and your partner are starting tough conversations with a more gentle approach.
You might choose to take breaks or pauses if things are getting too intense instead of fighting through it and making everything worse. You may even realize that you’re able to find a mutual resolution or compromise, repairing your relationships much more quickly after you get into a disagreement.
You’re Turning Toward One Another
One of the key ideas behind the Gottman Method is turning toward one another instead of away. This concept is about you and your partner actively working toward responding in positive ways to each other’s bids for emotional connection.
If you find yourself being more present or attentive, feeling more emotionally invested and connected, and you’re finding yourself noticing and appreciating the little things again, these are all huge signs that you and your partner are making progress. Even the small moments mean more than you may realize.
You’re a Team
The Gottman Method helps couples strengthen their shared values, goals, and friendship. This is also known as the Sound Relationship Model. When this is working, partners feel more aligned. You may notice that you and your partner are more willing and able to talk about the future again, making decisions together instead of independently. You may feel like you’re on the same team instead of working against one another.
You’re Comfortable Opening Up
The Gottman Method encourages partners to create a safe space where they each can be honest, vulnerable, and heard without any judgment. When this part of the method is working, you’ll notice that you’re able to be less defensive and more trusting and patient with your partner.
Bringing up tough topics of conversation may feel easier. You will experience less fear and uncertainty about bringing up hard conversations. And you’ll realize that you’re actually listening and asking questions to better understand instead of just waiting for your turn to speak again.
How to Take the Next Step
There is no such thing as perfection, especially when it comes to relationships. The Gottman Method is used for a variety of different couples and relationship types. If you’re feeling more connected, understood, and capable of handling tough situations together than you were before therapy, it’s working!
Marking your progress is a better way to measure success than waiting for the finish line. Contact us today if you’re interested in learning more about the Gottman Method and getting started.
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