Being Gender Fluid in a Society that Doesn’t Understand
When you’re born, the doctors typically announce, “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” based on your physical characteristics. But gender identity is far more complex and nuanced than these initial declarations suggest. Biological sex and gender identity are distinct concepts, and one doesn’t necessarily imply the other.
Gender fluidity describes the experience of having your gender identity shift over time. A changeable gender identity doesn’t fit into the “normal” set of expectations most societies have about gender. Gender fluidity and diversity have existed across cultures and throughout history, yet they are still misunderstood. Read on to learn more about being gender fluid in a society that doesn’t understand.
What It Means to Be Gender Fluid
Being gender fluid means having personal experiences with gender, including how you identify and express yourself, that can change over time. Someone who is gender fluid may feel more feminine one day and more masculine the next day.
It’s important to note that gender fluidity has nothing to do with trying to perform, gain attention, or “play dress up.” Gender fluidity is an authentic experience.
The Challenges in Society
In most places around the world, societies operate with the notion that there are two genders: male and female, man and woman. This can make it extremely difficult for everyone who doesn’t feel like they can be put into such a specific box. Below are some of the challenges that gender fluid people can experience.
Misgendering
Individuals who are gender fluid are often referred to by the wrong name or wrong pronouns. This misgendering can be extremely painful and invalidating for them.
Pressure to Explain Themselves
People who are gender fluid often have to field very personal, uncomfortable, and invasive questions, such as “What are you dressing up as today?” or “Are you going through a phase?” These types of questions can put them in a situation in which they feel extra pressure to explain themselves for just being themselves.
Social Expectations
Social expectations can make gender fluid individuals feel like they have to pick a gender and stick with it. This can be extremely suffocating for someone who doesn’t have a gender identity that is fixed.
Safety Concerns
The world has come a long way, but it still has a long way to go. Gender fluid individuals still often have to deal with discrimination, exclusion, and even violence. These safety concerns can happen in their workplace, while receiving healthcare, in school, and even in public spaces.
The Impact on Mental Health
There is a huge emotional toll that gender fluid individuals carry with them. Not feeling understood, heard, or accepted can have a major impact on someone’s mental health and sense of self-worth. Here are a few of the ways this impact can manifest:
Anxiety
Depression
Identity fatigue
Internalized doubt
Isolation
Loneliness
Suicidal ideation
How to Cope
There’s no getting around the fact that gender fluid individuals face many challenges. But there are steps you can take to cope, find support, and build resilience moving forward:
Consider reaching out for support from a mental health professional
Embrace yourself fully
Familiarize yourself with gender fluid art, culture, and media
Find your chosen family
Help Is Available
Being gender fluid in a society that doesn’t quite understand can be extremely complicated, frustrating, and painful. It can mean that you're constantly having to navigate the assumptions of others, the constant pressure to confirm, and just plain ignorance. But taking the time to discover and express yourself and your truth can be extremely liberating.
You’re not alone, even if it may feel like it right now. Finding an affirming and supportive mental health professional who is experienced with gender identity can help you cope with the stress of living in today’s world. Reach out today to get started.
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