Learning to Listen Instead of Immediately Trying to Solve Things
In a world that is constantly moving and fast-paced, we often celebrate taking action and problem-solving. For example, when someone comes to us with a problem, it’s our natural instinct to jump into problem-solving mode. We’re ready at the drop of a hat to offer advice, solutions, or personal stories that we think may help.
Even if these actions and behaviors come from a good place, sometimes they aren’t actually what is needed in the moment. Learning to actively listen, without immediately jumping into problem-solving mode, is a powerful and important skill. Doing so can build trust, strengthen relationships with others, and provide even more comfort than offering solutions. Read on for more about learning how to listen instead of immediately trying to solve things.
The Problem
Before we can dive into the benefits of learning how to listen, we must first understand where the problem lies with always trying to be the fixer. While there isn’t really a problem with wanting to help someone when they’re struggling, not every problem requires an immediate solution, and not every conversation is looking for advice.
Rushing in to fix something can actually prevent someone from sharing their own emotional experience. It can even cause them to feel dismissed, frustrated, and like they’re not really being listened to.
The Benefits of Active Listening
There’s a difference between listening and active listening. Active listening means being fully present. This means that your phone is silenced. You’re showing eye contact, leaning in, and you’re nodding along to what they’re saying to you. And you’re not trying to draft a response in your head while they’re speaking to you. Instead of responding right away, active listening involves pausing, reflecting, and asking any clarifying questions to make sure you fully understand.
Connection over Solutions
People often just want to be heard. Most of the time, when someone chooses to open up about their personal struggles, they’re not looking for solutions; they’re looking to vent and connect with someone. They would rather feel seen and supported than feel like you’re just fixing them.
Try to put yourself in their shoes. Think about the last time you tried opening up to someone and they offered you advice. Did it help, or did you wish that they had done something differently?
Keep in mind that processing emotions takes time. When you listen, you’re giving someone the space that they need to talk through their thoughts and come up with their own action plan and next steps instead of you telling them what to do.
The First Step in Active Listening
Active listening is something that can always be improved upon. The first step is becoming more aware of your own habits and thinking before reacting. If you’re unsure of what someone is looking for the next time you’re in a conversation like this, don’t be afraid to ask them what they need so that you can show up in the best way for them.
Become a Great Listener
Not every problem requires a solution. It’s amazing that you care and want to help someone find a solution when they’re struggling with something, but keep in mind that it may not be what they’re looking for. Even if you have the best of intentions, sometimes saying that you’re there for someone can go a lot further than giving them advice. Showing up for them without judgment, interruptions, or trying to resolve their problems for them can actually be more considerate.
It’s in our human nature to want to help, but listening can be even more impactful. Want help applying active listening to your life? Consider working with a mental health professional who can equip you with the right tools to practice and apply this in real-life situations. Don’t hesitate to get in touch when you’re ready to learn more about relationship therapy.
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