Change, Part 3 - Making a Change
Let the work begin! Well, that may sound a little over ambitious. Start with the small things to get going. It’s a difficult process and this is supposed to make you feel better, not overwhelmed. Try different things and see how that feels. There is no need to implement a large change to start. This can lead to getting overwhelmed with the changes. When change seems to difficult to do on your own, seeking counseling here at The Counseling Hub in Columbia, Missouri can be helpful. We need to feel comfortable with these changes. Allow yourself to experience your feelings and evaluate the way you feel following the implementation of these changes.
Keep in mind that this is for you. People will probably notice that you are doing something a little differently. That is not a bad thing! If they say something to you about it, own it. I’ve experienced situations where people say something to me, which follows with me shutting down the change I was starting to make. Why would we give someone this power? A simple reply expressing that you are trying something new will suffice. You don’t need to explain yourself. You don’t need to justify yourself.
One of the most helpful things about making a change is to examine changes on a larger scale. Everyone is trying to change. Whether they are trying to lose weight or trying increase their knowledge in a certain subject, changes are always being sought. This is the easiest way to normalize the difficulty of change. If you struggle, continue to try. You wouldn’t be the first to struggle, and you certainly won’t be the last. This is normal and change is difficult.
Suppose a gain in confidence would make you happier. You make the decision to allow yourself to set expectations a little higher and no longer allow people to treat you like you don’t matter. Great!!
You walk into work and have a lot of deadlines that are creeping up. However, you also have coworkers who assume you will do their tasks as well. Would it be rude to tell a coworker that you will not be able to make copies for them while they are on lunch? Given that this person is not in a position to be ordering you to do things for them, this would not be rude at all! You are allowed to put your task before others. Simply express that and this could prevent you from being taken advantage of in the future. You are not there to make friends and make others happy. We all have things to do and sometimes you may rub others the wrong way when they assumed something about you that is incorrect.
This will lead to uncomfortable situations (trust me, it will). This discomfort will only last a couple days and soon people will learn that you also have boundaries similar to everyone else. As long as you know the environment, then you should be fine. Try to refrain doing this to your direct superiors at work as this could cause issues (DISCLAIMER!!) and utilize these skills for the meaningless busy work that is handed to you by people who are too lazy to do it themselves.
How free will you feel? Will the anxiety of deadlines approaching while you are doing meaningless work (for others) be reduced? Allow yourself to set boundaries and know that certain stressors could dissipate. Your mental health is so important, and this will have a direct effect. Enjoy it! Happiness is the ultimate goal and it truly is a great feeling.
