Honestly, if I was going to pick any year of my life to reflect on, it would be this past year. Hands down. 2019 was the year of transition. It was transition and sudden change and everything in between. I’ve been thinking about writing this for the past couple of days and was constantly set back in my thoughts of, “how can I even put words to the experience of the last year?” or “I feel too many things where do I even start to reflect?” I’m a feeler. And right now, I could probably benefit from looking at the feelings wheel (which, if you’ve ever been in session with me, you will be familiar with because it’s amazing and I use it often). But honestly, it just reminded me that I ultimately feel grateful. Grateful that I have so much to reflect upon and explore within my life.
Jumping On The Ride
The past year has felt like a lot of things, but what I keep coming back to is the experience of riding a rollercoaster (sounds cliché, I know). Especially one that you’ve never ridden but have seen and felt immense fear to even go near in the past. The beginning of 2019 was like that moment where you finally decide to go all in and get in line. Everything that I had been working towards for the past decade (really my whole education) was about to be put into practice as I started my internship and began wrapping up my counseling graduate program. Even when I type this out I’m reminded of the moment I was about to see my very first client and the amount of “oh wow, this is really happening” level of fear that I felt. It was the point of the rollercoaster where you feel your stomach drop and accomplish your very first big hill on the track.
There was really no avoiding it—no matter how scared or doubtful or nervous I was to get myself out there, it was the risk that made it all worth it. It took practice to actively be vulnerable and sit with the hard feelings. When I got on that ride, it was almost as if everything happened at once. It’s been a whole year of being out in the counseling field and truly a year has never gone so fast in my whole entire life. Now that the year is over, I’m left with an afterglow type of feeling that feels proud and accomplished in the courageous moments. It makes me think, “hmm, what else can I try in the future?” It was in no way a perfect ride, nor should (or could) it have been. But it was an experience that was unique to me and my life story. Every session, supervision, meeting, blog, note, class, paper, reflection, served a specific purpose in my growth this past year. And if I’m being completely honest, as scared as I was to actually start my counseling career and leave my classroom comfort zone, it has been by far the most rewarding journey I’ve embarked on. Now when I look at that rollercoaster, I get excited and feel grounded in the fact that, yeah, it’s going to be real scary sometimes. But in the end, it will all be worth it. No matter what, there is something to be learned from moments of vulnerability.
Cue the Highlight Reel
The counseling arena of my life was definitely the highlight of my year. Not only did I start internship, but I finally **finnnnnnnnnnallly* graduated. For me, this was a huge accomplishment because I was never one that vibed well with school in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I tried and I showed up and I was present, but I was not really present in the way that school required. If you would have told me five years ago that I would be graduating from a Master’s program and about to start my dream job, I would have seriously thought that you were joking. It took a lot of hard work, sacrifice, crying, feeling, late nights, and self-reflection, to get to the point of walking across that stage. But it happened! I realized that I’m stronger than I think I am and I feel like that’s important for people to remember. You are strong! If you are reading this right now: You have made it to here by no shear luck alone, you did that. You made it. Sometimes even just making it through a tough week, or surviving a terrible breakup, or persevering to finish a paper, can serve as an act of strength.
Congruency
I learned a lot in 2019 that was applicable to life, but what the lesson that really drove it all home for me was the idea that conflict or confrontation can be (and totally is) a healthy aspect of growth in your relationships (romantic, friendships, family, yourself!, etc.). At this point last year I was still absolutely conflict avoidant and terrified of any type of negative interaction with my peers. Don’t get me wrong, it was something that I experienced and processed, but never in a positive light. But what I realized was that while conflict can be uncomfortable, it’s a chance to deepen and understand the connection. If there is no conflict, what is changing? Is there opportunity to grow together rather than apart? Is this a chance to be honest that might be missed otherwise? I had never realized that most of the time when I was being avoidant of conflict I was really just not expressing my needs in fear that the other entity would reject or not be able to sit with them. I was missing out on chances to be truly transparent and congruent…honest. Earlier this year in one of my courses, a professor was talking with us about the importance of being ‘congruent’ and what it looks like in the counselor role. The idea that you are your most true self and your actions and thoughts aligned with that sense of self. I found myself reflecting on the fact that if I was not speaking my truth and using my voice in my relationships, was I being congruent? It took (and continually takes) practice to be comfortable with the fact that valuable lessons can be uncomfortable and challenging. Most of the time, the most valuable lessons are the most challenging. It’s a balance between acknowledging the uncomfortable and relishing the comfort.
Hello, Old Friend 2018 Emily
This next year is a new decade…let me say that again… DECADE. How surreal is that? Now is definitely the time for new beginnings and for fresh opportunities. I keep thinking about how much can change in one year, and now just thinking about a whole decade?! Talk about change. With every new year comes a chance to start over and do something new. A chance to take a risk and move forward (or backward if need be—it may be necessary to take a step back from something if it may be hindering). If I could go back and tell 2018 Emily anything, it would be to be honest. Be honest with others and even more so with yourself. So many times this past year I was not honest with the people around me and ended up sacrificing my own needs and feelings. When in reality, what if the people around me could have given a sense of insight I wouldn’t have once had? In turn, I was not truly being honest with myself or really understanding what was happening when I was in need of something. This came with unset boundaries and loss of possible self-care opportunities. I think that the Emily a year ago needs to hear that saying “no” and being able to stick to what she says in terms of boundaries is a form of self-care that she is missing but could truly benefit from. Someone shared a quote recently that said, “Have the courage to say what you need in the moment. Most people aren’t mind readers. Two things will happen: You’ll either get what you need or realize that the source you are asking doesn’t have the capacity to deliver. Both are gifts.” Written by the lovely Jada Pinkett Smith. This quote felt necessary to mention when reflecting on lessons learned throughout the past year and I really struck a chord. Most people aren’t mind readers! I constantly forget that, especially being a person that feels allllll the feelings. My 2018 self really would have benefitted from hearing this quote.
Thank You, 2019
Regardless, I wouldn’t have been able to get to the point of giving advice to my past self if I hadn’t of gone through the sequence of events that happened in 2019. Again, it comes back to balance; balance of being grateful for things that transpired and the way that they did, but still feeling obligated to come up with better solutions and pushing a lesson. I feel it will do me best to “just be” as previous professor used to always tell me. There is beauty in the ability to just be. As 2020 approaches, I’m feeling very excited and driven to take on all the emotions, obstacles, challenges, and opportunities that present themselves—high risk or low risk. Sending good vibes to everyone as they take on this new decade
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Emily Lind | CIT | Individual Counseling
Emily recently graduated from the Master of Education in Counseling program at Stephens College, here in Columbia, MO. She is active in the student led Stephens Counseling Association, and is also a part of the American Counseling Association (ACA). Prior to graduate school, Emily received her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology at the University of Missouri (Columbia). Emily enjoys working with both adolescents and adults as they process their growth through counseling. She collaborates best with individuals looking to embrace their true identity, find their inner confidence, recognize innate strengths, and find a way to effectively cope with transitions, depression, and anxiety. Emily is eager to experience and train for working with couples and families, a scope of her practice that will have a clear advantage based on her early childhood education experience.