Emily | End of Year Reflection

Honestly, if I was going to pick any year of my life to reflect on, it would be this past year. Hands down.  2019 was the year of transition. It was transition and sudden change and everything in between. I’ve been thinking about writing this for the past couple of days and was constantly set back in my thoughts of, “how can I even put words to the experience of the last year?” or “I feel too many things where do I even start to reflect?”  I’m a feeler.  And right now, I could probably benefit from looking at the feelings wheel (which, if you’ve ever been in session with me, you will be familiar with because it’s amazing and I use it often). But honestly, it just reminded me that I ultimately feel grateful.  Grateful that I have so much to reflect upon and explore within my life.

Jumping On The Ride

            The past year has felt like a lot of things, but what I keep coming back to is the experience of riding a rollercoaster (sounds cliché, I know).  Especially one that you’ve never ridden but have seen and felt immense fear to even go near in the past.  The beginning of 2019 was like that moment where you finally decide to go all in and get in line. Everything that I had been working towards for the past decade (really my whole education) was about to be put into practice as I started my internship and began wrapping up my counseling graduate program. Even when I type this out I’m reminded of the moment I was about to see my very first client and the amount of “oh wow, this is really happening” level of fear that I felt. It was the point of the rollercoaster where you feel your stomach drop and accomplish your very first big hill on the track. 

There was really no avoiding it—no matter how scared or doubtful or nervous I was to get myself out there, it was the risk that made it all worth it. It took practice to actively be vulnerable and sit with the hard feelings.  When I got on that ride, it was almost as if everything happened at once.  It’s been a whole year of being out in the counseling field and truly a year has never gone so fast in my whole entire life. Now that the year is over, I’m left with an afterglow type of feeling that feels proud and accomplished in the courageous moments. It makes me think, “hmm, what else can I try in the future?”  It was in no way a perfect ride, nor should (or could) it have been.  But it was an experience that was unique to me and my life story.  Every session, supervision, meeting, blog, note, class, paper, reflection, served a specific purpose in my growth this past year. And if I’m being completely honest, as scared as I was to actually start my counseling career and leave my classroom comfort zone, it has been by far the most rewarding journey I’ve embarked on. Now when I look at that rollercoaster, I get excited and feel grounded in the fact that, yeah, it’s going to be real scary sometimes.  But in the end, it will all be worth it.  No matter what, there is something to be learned from moments of vulnerability.

Cue the Highlight Reel

The counseling arena of my life was definitely the highlight of my year.  Not only did I start internship, but I finally **finnnnnnnnnnallly* graduated. For me, this was a huge accomplishment because I was never one that vibed well with school in the past.  Don’t get me wrong, I tried and I showed up and I was present, but I was not really present in the way that school required.  If you would have told me five years ago that I would be graduating from a Master’s program and about to start my dream job, I would have seriously thought that you were joking.  It took a lot of hard work, sacrifice, crying, feeling, late nights, and self-reflection, to get to the point of walking across that stage.  But it happened! I realized that I’m stronger than I think I am and I feel like that’s important for people to remember.  You are strong! If you are reading this right now: You have made it to here by no shear luck alone, you did that. You made it.  Sometimes even just making it through a tough week, or surviving a terrible breakup, or persevering to finish a paper, can serve as an act of strength.

Congruency

I learned a lot in 2019 that was applicable to life, but what the lesson that really drove it all home for me was the idea that conflict or confrontation can be (and totally is) a healthy aspect of growth in your relationships (romantic, friendships, family, yourself!, etc.).  At this point last year I was still absolutely conflict avoidant and terrified of any type of negative interaction with my peers. Don’t get me wrong, it was something that I experienced and processed, but never in a positive light.  But what I realized was that while conflict can be uncomfortable, it’s a chance to deepen and understand the connection.  If there is no conflict, what is changing? Is there opportunity to grow together rather than apart? Is this a chance to be honest that might be missed otherwise?  I had never realized that most of the time when I was being avoidant of conflict I was really just not expressing my needs in fear that the other entity would reject or not be able to sit with them. I was missing out on chances to be truly transparent and congruent…honest.  Earlier this year in one of my courses, a professor was talking with us about the importance of being ‘congruent’ and what it looks like in the counselor role.  The idea that you are your most true self and your actions and thoughts aligned with that sense of self.  I found myself reflecting on the fact that if I was not speaking my truth and using my voice in my relationships, was I being congruent?  It took (and continually takes) practice to be comfortable with the fact that valuable lessons can be uncomfortable and challenging. Most of the time, the most valuable lessons are the most challenging. It’s a balance between acknowledging the uncomfortable and relishing the comfort.

Hello, Old Friend 2018 Emily

This next year is a new decade…let me say that again… DECADE.  How surreal is that?  Now is definitely the time for new beginnings and for fresh opportunities. I keep thinking about how much can change in one year, and now just thinking about a whole decade?! Talk about change.  With every new year comes a chance to start over and do something new.  A chance to take a risk and move forward (or backward if need be—it may be necessary to take a step back from something if it may be hindering). If I could go back and tell 2018 Emily anything, it would be to be honest.  Be honest with others and even more so with yourself.  So many times this past year I was not honest with the people around me and ended up sacrificing my own needs and feelings.  When in reality, what if the people around me could have given a sense of insight I wouldn’t have once had? In turn, I was not truly being honest with myself or really understanding what was happening when I was in need of something. This came with unset boundaries and loss of possible self-care opportunities. I think that the Emily a year ago needs to hear that saying “no” and being able to stick to what she says in terms of boundaries is a form of self-care that she is missing but could truly benefit from. Someone shared a quote recently that said, “Have the courage to say what you need in the moment. Most people aren’t mind readers. Two things will happen: You’ll either get what you need or realize that the source you are asking doesn’t have the capacity to deliver. Both are gifts.” Written by the lovely Jada Pinkett Smith. This quote felt necessary to mention when reflecting on lessons learned throughout the past year and I really struck a chord. Most people aren’t mind readers! I constantly forget that, especially being a person that feels allllll the feelings. My 2018 self really would have benefitted from hearing this quote.

Thank You, 2019

Regardless, I wouldn’t have been able to get to the point of giving advice to my past self if I hadn’t of gone through the sequence of events that happened in 2019.  Again, it comes back to balance; balance of being grateful for things that transpired and the way that they did, but still feeling obligated to come up with better solutions and pushing a lesson. I feel it will do me best to “just be” as previous professor used to always tell me. There is beauty in the ability to just be. As 2020 approaches, I’m feeling very excited and driven to take on all the emotions, obstacles, challenges, and opportunities that present themselves—high risk or low risk. Sending good vibes to everyone as they take on this new decade

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Emily Lind | CIT | Individual Counseling

Emily recently graduated from the Master of Education in Counseling program at Stephens College, here in Columbia, MO.  She is active in the student led Stephens Counseling Association, and is also a part of the American Counseling Association (ACA). Prior to graduate school, Emily received her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology at the University of Missouri (Columbia). Emily enjoys working with both adolescents and adults as they process their growth through counseling. She collaborates best with individuals looking to embrace their true identity, find their inner confidence, recognize innate strengths, and find a way to effectively cope with transitions, depression, and anxiety. Emily is eager to experience and train for working with couples and families, a scope of her practice that will have a clear advantage based on her early childhood education experience.

Tim | End of Year Reflection

Upon starting this blog, I was really struggling to decide the topics I would cover. This is a reflection, and it should be easy for me to find a couple of topics to go over for the past year. It turns out that the struggle tends to be where to focus. 2019 has been a busy year on the work front and in my personal life. That’s not to say that there is a lot of trouble in 2019, but to give credit to how many things I thought were accomplished.

I think I mentioned in my reflection from 2018 that there were a couple of additions to my home. I will still reflect on them positively, but I don’t think I realized how much of an impact they would have on my life. These new relationships become more demanding over time and tend to take up more space in my life. This can be overwhelming. I realized that taking advantage of every time that I have to enjoy myself should be first nature, no matter where these enjoyable experiences. My responsibilities have become demanding, just as I have worked towards. I’ve spent more time focused on what I need to do in order to become “successful,” even at times sacrificing other priorities. When looking back at the year, I almost begin to feel guilty about these things that I have set aside to feel more confident about myself and my role as a friend, partner, and provider.

Change

These previous statements could easily have you guessing that I need to change the way I approach my responsibilities. However, I’m not sure that I do. I have a lot of personality and a lot of energy tied up in what I do for work and hobbies. These things are important to me and provide me happiness elsewhere. I really believe I would be miserable without it. I think I cycle through this feeling of guilt and this understanding that I need to work hard at what I love. It’s difficult to understand how you come across to others at times, but I know I’m a happier person when I’m improving. Whether the improvements be at work or with my relationships, my pride and feeling of accomplishment becomes very apparent to me (and others, I imagine).

In this way, I am healthier to be around. I’ve allowed myself to set boundaries that I was once uncomfortable with. I’ve felt more confident about my approach to others, truly believing that the way I am operating is the best way for me and the most beneficial to others. That’s one thing that always stuck out to me. I’ve witnessed situations where people want to be better to others. They don’t care what it takes, but they want to be liked. I feel like I’ve finally decided that I’m much better for others if I am taking action on finding my own happiness versus trying to make sure they were happy. In the future, I see my growth still leaning towards being authentic versus censoring myself for others. This is still something I’d love to work on and don’t feel like there needs to be a stopping point.

I’ve just discovered that how I feel directly relates to the way I treat others. I want others to be happy around me, and even more so if I’m happy as well. I want to feel like those around me enjoy themselves. It’s odd for me to process through this, as it has been obvious and mostly unacknowledged for the majority of the year.

Growth In All Directions

I’ll continue to reflect in broad terms when addressing the growth around me. It seems that the growth I’ve witnessed this past year has been across all fronts. This is difficult, given that change can be a struggle, but I definitely look back at it with reasons to celebrate. Witnessing our team grow at The Counseling Hub, I couldn’t help but look at it as an opportunity to grow clinically and a reason to remain confident in my abilities and the abilities of others. If I’m feeling confident, I usually find myself thinking about relationships and connections that I can learn from. The growth of these relationships has not only benefited us as a practice, but are very significant for myself. I enjoy having conversations with new people, and that opportunity is always presenting itself.

Growth at home looks much different. It’s a different type of growth, but it is still very satisfying on a personal level. My oldest, a large, rambunctious, adolescent dog, has become much more of partner to whoever is home with him. Training in the earliest part of this past year has helped so much and reminded us that we need to keep him busy. It’s a lot of simple games, but he tends to avoid trouble when he is performing tasks. Imagine that!! He is attached to us and is very protective, which can be very frustrating as going to the restroom alone happens very infrequently anymore. However, I always find myself remaining thankful for the presence and excitement that he brings to our home. He is a protector and through one minor sickness this year, we were reminded of how much we care for him and his bumbling through our home with less grace than we thought possible.

My daughter has developed into a very social child that has altered most of what I believed my future would look like. I don’t feel that I’ve (we’ve) given much up for her. Instead, I feel that we’ve been given much more opportunities for joy and new experiences. The experiences, or growth with a positive spin, are not always enjoyable. Continued growth has come with surprises and laughs that continue to brighten the way we move through life at home. It also comes with worry as any first-time parents would experience. It’s been a ride, and I think I’m right where I would like to be.

Through these experiences, I’ve been reminded that my positivity is so much more important than I imagined. Items can be replaced, and there is no need to damage a relationship due to the stress that comes with the loss and damage of the items that we covet. These small inconveniences caused by true inexperience are easy to forgive. This period is transitional and not permanent. There is no need for me to interpret this as a stressful time in my life. I want to look back and remember the humor and positive growth, rather than to focus on the setbacks. Of course, it’s easier to see this now. I’m not sure I had this view earlier in the year, but I’m glad I’m able to reflect on this with this attitude. Realizing that I can give energy to certain thoughts and refrain from energizing negative thoughts has been relaxing. That’s a newer idea for me, as I tend to move from thing to thing in order to stay busy. Given that I’ve had time to sit and think, I definitely have to continue to remind myself that I can have more control than I’ve allowed myself in previous times.

Moving At My Own Pace

Hurried growth for me is difficult to maintain and handle, whether it is personal or professional. It comes with more frequent setbacks and I think the positive outlook, along with patience, has allowed me to not feel defeated. I’m still a mess at time, but I’m starting to believe that my “mess” is actually organized chaos. I’m happy with the tasks that I have and when I’m unable to take time to reflect, I have a much different view. I can begin to feel overwhelmed, until I realize that I have everything I need and am continuing to grow in many areas of life. I also find comfort in this change, given that most of the changes around me are growth, therefore appearing more positive and easier to accept.

While approaching the end of this reflection, I have come to realize that it is much more difficult to reflect accurately when thinking about the busy that comes with the holiday season. It’s important to understand that this time of year can be exactly what you want it to be. This is a time for family, but all families look different and families can appear in many different groups. I’ve tried to keep in mind that I should connect meaningfully with those that I enjoy. We’re told to enjoy the holidays, so we should be allowed to take the necessary steps to ensure that this is truly a time we enjoy. Set those boundaries and spend that quality time with those you love! Engage in activities that are enjoyable and allow yourself to decline an invitation if it is overwhelming! Keep in mind that many obligations we have were self-decided. While I made the decision to engage, I’ve also exercised my right to engage in self-care. It’s important to make decisions that are for you rather than decisions that are made for others around us. I, mistakenly, have been consumed with this tense feeling that accompanies the holiday rush and that pulled me away from much of what I typically enjoy. It initially made the reflection more difficult.

 This year is coming to a close without many regrets and I’m thankful that this is my situation. I’ve gone into many new years thinking that I could’ve done more, and I finally feel like I am in a great position. I’m looking forward to further growth and continuing to build on the relationships that I have established. I’m looking forward to continuing to take time to focus on my family and my interests in order to feel less resentful about the obligations that I have. It’s important to be able to find balance in life, and I feel like I’m approaching this goal consistently and at a satisfying pace.

Looking at it now, I’ve realized that this reflection helped to refocus myself on the things that matter most to me. Closing out 2019 is an exciting idea for me! New goals, not necessarily resolutions, are in my thoughts for 2020. I feel like I’m embracing these goals more than I have in previous years. I’m encouraged, and I hope there are similar feelings around me.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

TIM FITZPATRICK

PLPC | INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING

Tim is a provisional counselor with The Counseling Hub, a counseling practice in Columbia, Mo that focuses on meaningful connection between self, partners, and others. Tim enjoys working with both adolescents and adults on issues regarding making major life changes or transitions, enhancing and building meaningful relationships, wanting to build confidence, wanting to grow self-esteem, anxiety, depression, experiencing an inability to enjoy life, and feeling as though they are being taken advantage of. Tim is an active member of the American Counseling Association, the national counseling association for the United States.

Tim earned his Master's of Science in Clinical Counseling from Central Methodist University. He is currently a Provisional Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Missouri and has presented and written on topics including the influence of parental support on depressive symptoms, ethical practice, and the development of adults based on marital status.

Molly | End of Year Reflection

Reflecting On 2019

            My last year has been a whirl wind. The year has flown by and good things have came from it. I can honestly say that this has been one of the least stressful years of my life and I am so thankful for that. Let’s see, some of the highlights include celebrating my older kids second year adopt-i-versary, getting more nieces and nephews- which one of those is a set of twinies, eating healthier and exercising, my first born biological daughter hitting the double digits for her birthday, paying off some debt that has been around for a few years, and last (but certainly not least) graduating! This year has been one that I have felt very proud of and I want to share a bit about what is the same, what has changed, and what I want to see happen in 2020.

What’s the Same?

            Before I dive into what has changed and what I would like to improve in 2020 I wanted to check in and say what is still the same. Three things have been the same this year; my self-care, family chaos, and being a counselor. First, self-care was a goal for 2018 which I carried into 2019 and it is still going strong. Last year I reflected on taking more time to myself in the form of eating better and I am very proud to say that I am still on the bandwagon. Secondly, my family is always chaotic. With five kids all the time, and a sixth every other weekend chaos is my middle name. Not to mention having three nephews and five nieces all under the age of 10 who I love to visit with. Chaos is stressful (thank you captain obvious). With that, I still have many days where if all the kids are still alive I mark it as a success. Lastly, I am still counseling (again-duh). I love learning about people, getting to know them beyond talking weather, and helping them sort through their minds. I love going into work and that is such a great feeling. With that said, a lot of things have changed over the last year.

What’s Different?

            Exercise

            For all of you out there: exercise really does improve your mood. I think in a world where you can take a pill and expect to feel better quickly, reaping the benefits of exercise (which can take a long time to kick in) isn’t worth it. Well, last year shortly after Christmas I started to do a daily exercise. I started out with a 30-minute body-weight strengthening exercises. Over the course of the year it turned into the 30-minute exercise into that plus running for 15-minutes every day. I never- I repeat NEVER- have been a runner in my life. This was such a monumental thing for me. The long and the short of it- I feel so much better. I am not only physically healthier, but I am mentally more healthy too.

            No School

One of the things that I am most proud of is graduating. To be completely transparent, I never in a million years imagined that I would hold a master’s degree. I never wanted to go to college because I hated school! Going to college has been a huge deal in my family. My grandma and grandpa dropped out of school in 8th grade and I am the first person in my family to obtain a degree. The best part of graduating (as most of you could guess) is not having to do homework or assignments. Actually, I didn’t mind doing the work because I liked learning about most of the stuff I was taught. But, the ripple effect of not having to do the work is that I no longer need to forfeit time with my family to go to evening classes or do homework on the weekends. I do like being busy and being a busy body means that I fill that time in with doing things I didn’t have time to do around the house before or do activities with the kids. Not having to do classes or homework means that when I want to learn something, I can take my time and be intentional about it. Making it all the more meaningful.

            Working hard on my marriage

As any couple that has been together many years, or any couple’s counselor out there, knows marriage takes a lot of work. It requires empathy. It requires giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. It requires you to take responsibility when you mess up. It requires inspecting your flaws. One goal I set for myself coming into 2019 was to focus more energy into my marriage. It’s so easy to get stuck in a routine and let the relationship take back seat. Easily, you lose sight of what you want from your relationship. For example, I want to be happy- cool- but what does that really mean? Does that mean having more playful interactions? More date nights? More checking in about your days? For my marriage, my focus was to have predictable time we spent together to just hang out. No talking shop- which is easy to do when you have kids- just time to be two people who fell in love. I talk to couples all the time about the Gottman Magic Five Hours. They found that couples who spend five hours connecting in meaningful ways have happier relationships. My husband and I started to put kids to bed at 8:30 every night and spend a half an hour Sunday through Thursday nights just hanging out. No interruptions. For those of you math people, you might notice that is not five hours, but let me tell you, doing this has been the best decision I have ever made for my marriage. Not joking. Not to say that we had it bad, but I believe there is always room for improvement in your relationships. Again, being intentional about my marriage has done wonderful things for my relationship, my mental health, and my family.

What Do I Still Want To Improve?

            Boundaries

Generally speaking, I like to think I am good with boundaries. I bet most people do though. I know what I can and cannot handle as far as work, tasks and goals I set for myself, and friends and family. One area where I need to improve boundaries is with people who are negatively affecting me. It’s easy to say I am not going to let this person do xyz until the moment they do. If you think about it long enough, I am sure most of you can think of a person who you give up more than what you would like to keep them happy (or just keep the peace). A friend who plays the victim, an aunt who is “out spoken” about what you should and shouldn’t do, or a coworker who winds up dumping all the responsibility on you. I don’t have these exact situations, but I do have something of the sorts. Not that you or I intentionally let these people do these things, but it happens for good reason. I don’t want to make my friend feel attacked because I love them. I don’t want to upset my Aunt because she will not let me live it down the next four holidays. I don’t feel like I can say anything to this coworker because it will go in one ear and out the other, nothing will change, and then it will just make things weird. All valid reasons. The problem then, is where is my boundary? It may go to hell if I discuss my concerns with them, but maybe it won’t. At the end of the day, I know that I will feel better about myself if I say what I need to say to respect myself. If I tell the person that it might hurt what I have to say, but I need to say it because it’s important to me. That I will take some advice from my aunt, but there are some topics I won’t discuss with her. That my coworker can give me some responsibility, but I will not take it wholly. Reflecting on what has stopped me from setting boundaries in the past has been things like fear, conflict avoidance, and trying to make others happy. The expense is my mental health and self-worth. So setting more boundaries with people is something I am going to work on in the next year.

        Being present

This one is super hard for me. This is probably the hardest thing that I’ve tried to do and have failed many times. Being present to me means that I can put aside all other things happening and focus intentionally (and intently) on whatever it is that I am doing. Not to get too personal, but a lot of my existence has been survival mode. Trying to make ends meet and things done when there was a lot that was trying to push me backwards. For example, trying to get a large paper turned in when I have to go to work the next day and two kids are throwing up. At times, me trying to get to the next step was the only thing I could focus on when everything else in life felt like it was in shambles. Naturally, when a person lives in a mode of always thinking about the next step, when that isn’t necessary anymore it’s not something you just stop doing. I constantly think about what’s the next step- what’s the next goal? The byproduct of that is missing opportunities of being present. In 2020 I want to start living more in the moment. Since life has slowed down due to me getting a job that pays well, not having homework, and kids getting a bit older and more independent it seems like the perfect time to start being more present. I am going to try to take many of the small moments that got shoved aside and be there. Feel these moments. Savor these moments. I hope that when this happens, I can step out of survival mode and enjoy life a little more.

           Not being complacent

I used to think that someday I would reach a point where I wouldn’t need to worry about learning more. I could just go into my workplace, get the job done, go home and not think about it. Well, in the world of counseling, boy did I have it all wrong. One thing that you learn in graduate school for counselors is that there is no final destination. There is not a time where you will know everything and that’s it. That sounds silly as I type it out, because of course you could never know everything. I guess in my head it was something like if I learn everything there is to know about counseling then I can just do it. I won’t have to stress about feeling like I have to learn anything else. Because learning is related to school, and school is stressful. Basically, I wouldn’t have to invest any more. The problem with this theory (besides the obvious that I couldn’t possibly ever know everything) is that it can lead to stagnation. It can lead to complacency. Something that is terrifying to me as a person that values self-improvement. A goal that I have for myself over the next year (probably the next several years) is to be mindful of becoming complacent. As mentioned earlier, for so long it was nose to the grind and do whatever it takes to get the job done. Now there is no more schooling and I don’t want to stop self-improvement. Growth is important and I want to be sure that I continue to do that.

            It has been a wonderful year. There have been so many wonderful things that have happened. Many things are the same. I hope to change a few things moving forward. Setting boundaries for relationships that aren’t healthy for me, being more present in the moment, and striving for a healthy dose of self-improvement are things I hope to work on in 2020. I hope all of you can set yourself some goals and actively work towards them too. I can’t wait to check in at the end of the year next year and see how it has gone!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Molly Lyons | PLPC | Individual & Couples Counselor

Molly has received her Master of Science in Clinical Counseling at Central Methodist University (CMU). Molly received the Outstanding Student Award rewarded to one person in the graduating class. Molly is a PLPC at The Counseling Hub. She obtained her Bachelor of Science in General Psychology with a minor in Child Development from Central Methodist University directly before enrolling in the counseling program. Prior to pursuing her counseling degree, Molly received an Associates of Science in Early Childhood Education from Moberly Area Community College. 

Molly has experience in the Counseling Center at MACC's Columbia campus, providing counseling services for students around the topics of identity crises, school-related stressors, depression issues, and coping with anxiety. Molly has co-facilitated Safe Zone trainings which introduce its members to the LGBTQ+ community terminology and basic information. Molly has also completed on online course in LGBTQ+ Counseling Competencies (College and Career Readiness) through the American Counseling Association (ACA). Molly is an active member of both the ACA and the Association for Multicultural Counseling and Development (AMCD).

Molly enjoys working with diverse populations and seeks to always be open to new learning experiences. She works best with individuals who are trying to discover who they are and how they relate to their world, as well as others in their world. Molly believes that a person’s external factors can provide both barriers and resources towards growth and that one must discover these in order to thrive.

Reflection Over the Year: Machaela

Reflecting

I love reflecting. More than that, I love hearing others reflect. It’s kind of like “story time”. I have worked with kids for the vast majority of my life, so imagine the amount of stories I listen to. Listening to my own story, told by myself, is a bit of a challenge. We are our own worst critic. Nobody knows me better than I do. So, reflecting on myself has taken me a little while to put to words. There’s just so much! There are the small things that turned big (literally), like getting another dog; then there are big things like adding another job and counseling people. Change has come in waves for me this year. A lot of the change was positive, but it wasn’t all perfect.

Education

When I started my graduate program in the Fall of 2017, my professor told me, “This program will change you. If it doesn’t, well something was wrong.” She was right. At first, I thought, “Well, duh. I hope it does. I came here to learn and grow, didn’t I?” Now I see that it changed so much more for me. I don’t think all of my change comes from school, but school has impacted all areas where I have experienced change.

Within my education, I have had the opportunity to physically counsel at my practicum site. This would be where my primary growth occurred in my education. I learned the importance of all of these counseling skills and what it means to put them to work. I have had to write reflective papers about my “style” and learn who am I as a counselor.

A year ago, I had no idea what “holding silence” was like. I knew I liked when I was in a room alone, but I did not know what it meant to sit quietly in a room with someone.  I have grown to like silence. There’s something radical about sitting in a room and being quiet to allow the opportunity for someone to experience whatever it might be that’s going on for them. This has caused me to realize the patterns within those around me who might be quick to talk (like me) and how to slow down so that others might speak more. I have learned that my body language says a lot whether I mean for it to or not.

I am not saying I am 100% there. It takes years and years to learn who you are. Even then, there’s always room to learn and grow. This is one reason I continue my education. You can never learn too much! I have grown to become a practicing counselor, which is one of the most rewarding things I can imagine. Growth is a fascinating concept to me. I have always wanted to grow, but typically growing means putting yourself in a spot you have never been before (like sharing your life on a public website blog). While counseling individuals, I start somewhere in the beginning by telling my clients what counseling is to me. This can be different for everyone. For me, in short, it’s about creating a safe space for someone to explore who they are and who they want to be. Well, in order to become who you want to be, you have to be willing to let some parts of you go or morph into something new. Growth is hard and uncomfortable. I have worked hard in order to get to where I am. There have been plenty of times where it was uncomfortable and I thought I wouldn’t make it, but I came out a better version of myself along the way. I will continue to work hard and find a balance between all areas of life.

Work

In my process of going to school, I gained my job here at The Counseling Hub. I had the opportunity to have Tara Vossenkemper as a professor, and then become the client liaison. When this position came about, I was at a point in my life where I felt I was behind my classmates. I had no experience in the counseling field. I am so grateful for this job. I love when someone calls or emails in and takes that step towards becoming a better version of themselves. More than that, I love being the first person they contact. I have worked in retail previously, so I know the typical ways of communicating with others. Reflecting back on that job reminds me why I probably enjoy this position and my other position of working with children with autism. Both involve people and helping people. More than that, this job has shown me what a private practice will look like. I can only hope if I ever open one that it is like The Counseling Hub. I was nervous coming into this and even in my short time, I have watched it change so much. I have had the opportunity to learn about other counselors in the area and meet some here in our office. Change isn’t always easy for me, so finding a balance with this was really important for me.

If you ever have heard the saying, “Surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel because energies are contagious” then you would know how I feel about my coworkers. I have surrounded myself with people who give me the type of energy I want. I want to be driven. I want to work hard. I want to have fun. I want to grow. I want to learn. I want to be kind and compassionate. All of my coworkers have rubbed off on me, and all in good ways. Now, I will be going into 2019 with an internship at a fantastic place with some people I never knew I would end up with.  

Interpersonally

My life with my friends and family has been an area of growth this year. Wow, this makes the year feel long. This is where I start to realize that so much can happen in a year. Some things were never expected, while some were slowly creeping into my life.

Loss

When we think of loss and grief, typically this is associated with those who have passed away; at least for me this is how it has always been. I have learned about grief surrounding a slow death due to an illness this year. I know at some point, a family member of mine will pass away, and I am unsure how this will impact my family. Thinking of this has added a shadow in my life this year. It has caused stress. There’s little that can be done, and there’s a lot one wishes they could change. As I complete the social media for our Facebook, we focused on gratitude. I realized how deeply grateful I am for all that I have in my life. My health isn’t perfect, but I am alive. Sometimes I can get so caught up in how life is for others, that I miss how good it is for myself. Typically, I would say I am a very grateful person but there were a few streaks this year where this was not the case. This upcoming loss reminds me of all the time I have been given and never knowing what lies ahead. Thus, as I reflect, I realize what is truly important and what I would like out of my life.

Friendships & Families

This is always a tough reflection. As I stated above, I tend to see loss as occurring when someone dies. However, I have lost close friendships this year. I have lost friends who I thought were great to me, but I realized they were not. In replace of that, and not on purpose, I have gained a few as well. Some friendships have rekindled, and some have grown from a friend to a very special friend. I have continued to learn what it means to be a “good” friend and what I look for in friendships. I have had growth in my relationship as well. I have also had changes occur within my family. All of these are changes I wasn’t planning for. This is another trend in my life. I have learned that not everything can be planned. Not everything goes as planned. I have had to be flexible when I did not want to. The significance of this for me is the impact it has on my personal well-being and those around me. I know that family and friends are of the utmost importance to me. Finding the balance needed for this has been one for the books.

Individually

 I have started to learn the balance of self-care. I might not get to read the entire book, but I will find time for 20 pages. I know the importance of taking time off and seeing those you love. It’s difficult at times to balance all these areas of life. It makes me think of a balancing act. I have work in my left hand, school in my right, my relationship on my head, friendships on my left foot, family on my right foot, myself on my nose (if I could make that possible), chores on one shoulder, and everything else thrown in this tiny little basket on my other shoulder. How do we all manage to keep walking?! Well, sometimes one basket grows to take more from the others. Finding a balance has been one of my goals for this year. I know my professional growth is not near where I want it to be. I couldn’t even tell you where I want it to be, so I know I am not there. As a person, I know becoming a better version of yourself is always possible. My baskets will forever be changing and the balancing will teeter, but I know what I want to focus on moving into the next year! Although this is about reflecting, I am really excited (and somewhat frightened/nervous) to see what 2019 has in store!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Machaela Rausch- Client Liaison

Machaela is currently in her second year of the Master of Science in Clinical Counseling program at Central Methodist University (CMU). She is the client liaison for The Counseling Hub where she assists with getting individuals set up with a counselor. She obtained her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology with a minor in Sociology and a minor in Multicultural Studies from the University of Missouri.

 Machaela is currently receiving experience in the Counseling Center at MACC’s Columbia Campus, providing counseling services for students around the topics of identitiy crisis, school-related stressors, depression issues, coping with anxiety, and body image issues. Machaela has attended conferences regarding LGBTQ+ community and currently works for a non profit organization where she provides Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Implementing to individuals with developmental delays. Machaela has worked here for three years. Machaela is an active member of the American Counseling Association (ACA).

 Machaela enjoys working with diverse populations and aims to always be open to new learning experiences. Machaela seeks to be a comforting and kind individual for the first contact with The Counseling Hub. Machaela understands the process of getting into therapy can be difficult and aims to provide people with a smooth process.