Reflection Over the Year: Machaela

Reflecting

I love reflecting. More than that, I love hearing others reflect. It’s kind of like “story time”. I have worked with kids for the vast majority of my life, so imagine the amount of stories I listen to. Listening to my own story, told by myself, is a bit of a challenge. We are our own worst critic. Nobody knows me better than I do. So, reflecting on myself has taken me a little while to put to words. There’s just so much! There are the small things that turned big (literally), like getting another dog; then there are big things like adding another job and counseling people. Change has come in waves for me this year. A lot of the change was positive, but it wasn’t all perfect.

Education

When I started my graduate program in the Fall of 2017, my professor told me, “This program will change you. If it doesn’t, well something was wrong.” She was right. At first, I thought, “Well, duh. I hope it does. I came here to learn and grow, didn’t I?” Now I see that it changed so much more for me. I don’t think all of my change comes from school, but school has impacted all areas where I have experienced change.

Within my education, I have had the opportunity to physically counsel at my practicum site. This would be where my primary growth occurred in my education. I learned the importance of all of these counseling skills and what it means to put them to work. I have had to write reflective papers about my “style” and learn who am I as a counselor.

A year ago, I had no idea what “holding silence” was like. I knew I liked when I was in a room alone, but I did not know what it meant to sit quietly in a room with someone.  I have grown to like silence. There’s something radical about sitting in a room and being quiet to allow the opportunity for someone to experience whatever it might be that’s going on for them. This has caused me to realize the patterns within those around me who might be quick to talk (like me) and how to slow down so that others might speak more. I have learned that my body language says a lot whether I mean for it to or not.

I am not saying I am 100% there. It takes years and years to learn who you are. Even then, there’s always room to learn and grow. This is one reason I continue my education. You can never learn too much! I have grown to become a practicing counselor, which is one of the most rewarding things I can imagine. Growth is a fascinating concept to me. I have always wanted to grow, but typically growing means putting yourself in a spot you have never been before (like sharing your life on a public website blog). While counseling individuals, I start somewhere in the beginning by telling my clients what counseling is to me. This can be different for everyone. For me, in short, it’s about creating a safe space for someone to explore who they are and who they want to be. Well, in order to become who you want to be, you have to be willing to let some parts of you go or morph into something new. Growth is hard and uncomfortable. I have worked hard in order to get to where I am. There have been plenty of times where it was uncomfortable and I thought I wouldn’t make it, but I came out a better version of myself along the way. I will continue to work hard and find a balance between all areas of life.

Work

In my process of going to school, I gained my job here at The Counseling Hub. I had the opportunity to have Tara Vossenkemper as a professor, and then become the client liaison. When this position came about, I was at a point in my life where I felt I was behind my classmates. I had no experience in the counseling field. I am so grateful for this job. I love when someone calls or emails in and takes that step towards becoming a better version of themselves. More than that, I love being the first person they contact. I have worked in retail previously, so I know the typical ways of communicating with others. Reflecting back on that job reminds me why I probably enjoy this position and my other position of working with children with autism. Both involve people and helping people. More than that, this job has shown me what a private practice will look like. I can only hope if I ever open one that it is like The Counseling Hub. I was nervous coming into this and even in my short time, I have watched it change so much. I have had the opportunity to learn about other counselors in the area and meet some here in our office. Change isn’t always easy for me, so finding a balance with this was really important for me.

If you ever have heard the saying, “Surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel because energies are contagious” then you would know how I feel about my coworkers. I have surrounded myself with people who give me the type of energy I want. I want to be driven. I want to work hard. I want to have fun. I want to grow. I want to learn. I want to be kind and compassionate. All of my coworkers have rubbed off on me, and all in good ways. Now, I will be going into 2019 with an internship at a fantastic place with some people I never knew I would end up with.  

Interpersonally

My life with my friends and family has been an area of growth this year. Wow, this makes the year feel long. This is where I start to realize that so much can happen in a year. Some things were never expected, while some were slowly creeping into my life.

Loss

When we think of loss and grief, typically this is associated with those who have passed away; at least for me this is how it has always been. I have learned about grief surrounding a slow death due to an illness this year. I know at some point, a family member of mine will pass away, and I am unsure how this will impact my family. Thinking of this has added a shadow in my life this year. It has caused stress. There’s little that can be done, and there’s a lot one wishes they could change. As I complete the social media for our Facebook, we focused on gratitude. I realized how deeply grateful I am for all that I have in my life. My health isn’t perfect, but I am alive. Sometimes I can get so caught up in how life is for others, that I miss how good it is for myself. Typically, I would say I am a very grateful person but there were a few streaks this year where this was not the case. This upcoming loss reminds me of all the time I have been given and never knowing what lies ahead. Thus, as I reflect, I realize what is truly important and what I would like out of my life.

Friendships & Families

This is always a tough reflection. As I stated above, I tend to see loss as occurring when someone dies. However, I have lost close friendships this year. I have lost friends who I thought were great to me, but I realized they were not. In replace of that, and not on purpose, I have gained a few as well. Some friendships have rekindled, and some have grown from a friend to a very special friend. I have continued to learn what it means to be a “good” friend and what I look for in friendships. I have had growth in my relationship as well. I have also had changes occur within my family. All of these are changes I wasn’t planning for. This is another trend in my life. I have learned that not everything can be planned. Not everything goes as planned. I have had to be flexible when I did not want to. The significance of this for me is the impact it has on my personal well-being and those around me. I know that family and friends are of the utmost importance to me. Finding the balance needed for this has been one for the books.

Individually

 I have started to learn the balance of self-care. I might not get to read the entire book, but I will find time for 20 pages. I know the importance of taking time off and seeing those you love. It’s difficult at times to balance all these areas of life. It makes me think of a balancing act. I have work in my left hand, school in my right, my relationship on my head, friendships on my left foot, family on my right foot, myself on my nose (if I could make that possible), chores on one shoulder, and everything else thrown in this tiny little basket on my other shoulder. How do we all manage to keep walking?! Well, sometimes one basket grows to take more from the others. Finding a balance has been one of my goals for this year. I know my professional growth is not near where I want it to be. I couldn’t even tell you where I want it to be, so I know I am not there. As a person, I know becoming a better version of yourself is always possible. My baskets will forever be changing and the balancing will teeter, but I know what I want to focus on moving into the next year! Although this is about reflecting, I am really excited (and somewhat frightened/nervous) to see what 2019 has in store!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Machaela Rausch- Client Liaison

Machaela is currently in her second year of the Master of Science in Clinical Counseling program at Central Methodist University (CMU). She is the client liaison for The Counseling Hub where she assists with getting individuals set up with a counselor. She obtained her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology with a minor in Sociology and a minor in Multicultural Studies from the University of Missouri.

 Machaela is currently receiving experience in the Counseling Center at MACC’s Columbia Campus, providing counseling services for students around the topics of identitiy crisis, school-related stressors, depression issues, coping with anxiety, and body image issues. Machaela has attended conferences regarding LGBTQ+ community and currently works for a non profit organization where she provides Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Implementing to individuals with developmental delays. Machaela has worked here for three years. Machaela is an active member of the American Counseling Association (ACA).

 Machaela enjoys working with diverse populations and aims to always be open to new learning experiences. Machaela seeks to be a comforting and kind individual for the first contact with The Counseling Hub. Machaela understands the process of getting into therapy can be difficult and aims to provide people with a smooth process.

Reflection Over The Year: Tim

Looking Back

As I reflect back on 2018, I realize that this past year has brought about many changes to my life. Growth happens to be the word that comes to mind most often during my reflections. This happened in many parts of my life and I couldn’t be more pleased. Growing responsibilities, family, and realizations of my priorities have completely changed the way I view my life. This is difficult, as well as fulfilling.

If this year has taught me anything, it is that patience is key. I feel like I live my life chasing the next goal. I can’t remember ever stopping and actually thinking about where I am. I wouldn’t say I was unappreciative, but rather unaware. I’ve burnt myself out in the past by chasing after things that simply take time. I don’t want to say they’re easy and I can definitely say I worked for them. However, I’ve achieved some goals and got to a place in my life where I am starting to get comfortable. I mean this in a positive sense. I still have drive and I still have goals. I’m just learning that things take time. This realization has brought me much more patience in regards to myself and others around me.

You’ll Understand

I’ve finally realized why I was told, “you’ll understand when you have a child.” I was selfish because it was something I could afford to be. Of course, I spent a lot of time focused on my happiness. I made lists and spent many hours thinking about the options that I had in regards to my home life and the freedom I had in regards to time and finances. This has drastically changed with the recent addition to our family. My wife and I recently welcomed a baby girl into this world and this has shaken all of our priorities up. This change has forced me to view everything differently. I haven’t figured out if it’s forced me to view anything more positively or negatively. I think I’ll just stick with differently. I feel that I’ve always understood the stressors that come along with being an individual that is unsure of what the future for them looks like. I’ve also understood many situations that include partners and transitions that occur to young adults. However, parenthood was never a topic that I acted like I understood. I feel like I’m slowly growing to understand it, but I also feel that it is something I will continue to learn throughout my life.

 Listen, Relax, and Slow Down

These changes in my life, along with realizing that I needed to slow down and focus on relationships, have encouraged me to put more faith in the messages I receive from the loved ones around me. I am very self-critical, as are many people, due to making the same mistakes I’ve seen others make countless times. We are all chasing our own versions of perfection and I feel like this has caused disappointment for myself. There’re many things we can’t control and there is a reason we can’t control them. Many mistakes happen and choices are made for us. This can be frustrating. I want to take control of my life and when major changes occur, we can feel that our control is slipping. This is a perfectly natural occurrence. We are not immune to changes, but adaptable when these situations arise.

Things get in the way sometimes and we’re unable to focus on the specific goals that we have set for ourselves. This is okay.

I think this realization has allowed me to truly relax when I need a break. My work demands the best of me. My friends demand the best of me. My family demands the best of me. However, nobody will get the best of me if I am not willing to reflect upon the way I think and the way I act. I can take time to make sure that I am the best I can be. We all can. We can all take time to make sure that we are the healthiest and most effective versions of ourselves. This is what counseling is all about, right?

I am no longer racing towards goals. Racing only causes me to miss things along the way. A slower and more methodical approach allows me to view everything in its entirety. Life isn’t a race and they’re so many things that happened in 2018 that helped me to understand that. When making major purchases, you should take your time to ensure that your money will be well spent. When identifying problems within a relationship, you should take your time to evaluate your expectations. When committing to long-term changes, you should take your time identifying whether the changes actually need to happen. What I’m trying to say is that it is important to fully assess where you are at before you jump ship or change courses. I think this year has been important in that I have learned that taking time away from big decisions (when you have this opportunity) allows you to assess the decisions with clarity.

Finding What Works

Along with taking some personal time away, I feel that I should include that my time away was not in solitude. I was and still am surrounding myself with people that care about me. I am working on relationships that I have in order to get to a place where I feel safe to process through intimate details with the people I am closest to. While there may be some people who do their best work on their own, I am not that person. I need healthy relationships with reasonable and smart people. They don’t need to be geniuses. They just need to know how to communicate effectively. I was looking to people who would listen. I was strengthening those relationships in order to be able to process through my problems and my stressors effectively. This is made me appreciate my friends and family so much more.

 Work Changes

Switching to my work life, I have encountered an abundance of change. Looking back on it, the only negative part I can pull from it was my feelings about initial changes and resistance to embracing them as positive changes. I think what I was resistant to was the changes that made me uncomfortable. I am a creature of habit and can struggle to make needed changes. I feel I try to convince myself that things are fine the way they are. I think the changes in my personal life have forced me to accept changes as they are a normal part of life. The changes in my work life have definitely been a benefit for me and have pushed me to become a better person. I think I have become a better clinician, however, the changes that I’ve made due to my work life have impacted me more personally than I had initially thought they would.

Through the work of being a part of a growing practice, I have learned that complacency is a quick way to find failure. This has encouraged me to view things differently in practice and has forced me to take a second look at the way I view things outside of therapy. I have learned that we are never finished working on ourselves. I feel like this is pretty broad, but there is constantly a need for us to change as a practice and as individuals. This is uncomfortable for me. As stated before, I am a creature of habit. The changes in our practice, while minor, are still new. Due to this fact, there is a sliver of stress that comes along with it. It is definitely humbling to encounter a change that must be made and still struggle the commitment to this change. I feel like this is starting to sound very abstract, but I feel like it is very true to my situation.

Another key to my work life has been the demands that it places on me. This isn’t going to be typical “stressed with work” portion of the blog. These demands have pushed me out of my comfort zone and force me to face things that I haven’t previously faced. This has resulted in a higher amount of learned techniques to accomplish goals. This helps me to measure my value in a productive manner by measuring successes, rather than focusing on my failures.

I am very thankful for the opportunity that I have. I work with other professionals that share the same passion I have for counseling. I know I stress relationships when speaking about my personal life, but they’re just as important in my professional life. We all make mistakes and it is very refreshing to have a kind group of people to call you out when you’re not being sincere. They’re able to identify when I am slipping up or when I am being lazy. This is important. This provides me a source of accountability. These are the types of people that you need around. We all need people who will call us on our mistakes and correct us when we are wrong. It’s so much easier when those people are also kind and supportive. The work that I’ve done with supportive people in my life has been much more meaningful to me then my other accomplishments. I can reflect with others on the times that we accomplished group goals. I know many people, including myself, place a lot of pride in their ability to complete goals without other people. However, accomplishments that are made with others seem to be so much easier to celebrate. This leads to a situation where someone is there to give you a congratulations and a high five.  I’m not sure of everyone’s opinions of high fives, but I thoroughly enjoy them. It’s fun seeing the joy in somebody else and it is even more enjoyable when you realize that you have some ownership of the cause of their joy. Celebrating successes have been a large part of the past year and it’s really exciting to think about. I’m not celebrating major wins, but it nice to feel like you are moving in the right direction.

 Baby 2018 + Puppy 2018 = Not Recommended

Switching to a less serious topic, having a baby and getting a puppy in the same year is not something I would recommend. I love them both, however, they are both very demanding. My patience with my child is far greater than my patience with my dog. He is frustrating and attention seeking, while also very sweet and loving. I keep reminding myself that he is doing what most of us do. We alert others when we are not feeling well or we are bored in order to get our needs met. Previously, I would get frustrated and regret the decision to bring a dog home. However, he is now behaving much better and proving to me that utilizing my personal time to form meaningful relationships has its benefits, even if the relationship is with a dog. It sounds silly, but the lessons I have learned in 2018 are astronomical.

 Change

Changes are difficult and bad habits are hard to break. However, we own the ability to dictate where we belong and how we will behave. This is important to remember and should be a reminder to everyone (me, included) that we should never make changes simply to satisfy others. Make changes that will help you personally. Allow yourself to be selfish in order to attain happiness. This will help you to be truer to yourself, resulting in better relationships and thankful friends and family that have desired to see the best you that was available.

The patience and understanding I learned have directly transferred into my work life, helping to increase my relationships across the board. I’m very thankful for 2018. I’m a happier person due to the additions we have had in our family. At the core, I think this all comes back to my relationships. As for those relationships, 2018 was a great reminder that I have some damn good ones.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

TIM FITZPATRICK

Tim is a provisional counselor with The Counseling Hub, a counseling practice in Columbia, Mo that focuses on meaningful connection between self, partners, and others. Tim enjoys working with both adolescents and adults on issues regarding making major life changes or transitions, enhancing and building meaningful relationships, wanting to build confidence, wanting to grow self-esteem, anxiety, depression, experiencing an inability to enjoy life, and feeling as though they are being taken advantage of. Tim is an active member of the American Counseling Association, the national counseling association for the United States.

Tim earned his Master's of Science in Clinical Counseling from Central Methodist University. He is currently a Provisional Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Missouri and has presented and written on topics including the influence of parental support on depressive symptoms, ethical practice, and the development of adults based on marital status.

Reflection Over the Year: Molly Lyons

End of Year Reflection

Reflection can be a helpful tool when thinking about what you want to change in the coming year. It can also allow you to see how far you’ve come. Reflecting on my last year, it wasn’t a terrible year, but it also wasn’t full of glitter and rainbows. This year was definitely full of self-improvement through higher-education, trying to manage a new career, and being a parent. Truthfully, at times it was exhausting! I like to think of myself as a generally grateful and positive person, but I’m sure there were times that I was very crabby and ungrateful over the last year. Times that I want to block out and hope the universe doesn’t ever provide me with again. On a lighter note, thinking back over 2018 I do know that I have grown a lot as both a person and as a counselor. This year was one that has taught me a lot of new lessons as well as reminded me of old lessons that I had forgotten.

Growth as a Person

One lesson that I was reminded of this past year was the lesson of staying humble. I spent several hours volunteering at a homeless shelter over the summer. This experience, which I had done frequently when I was growing up, had always been so very humbling. It had been at least ten years since I’d done this type of work and it felt so good to give my time again. Working alongside the residents in the shelter, I was able to connect with people who although live a very different life than I, are people just as I am. People who want the same things I want in life; a safe space to sleep at night, food for their belly, and a loving place for their children to live. People that have had a rough go and are still trying their hardest to make their lives better. People from all walks of life who have experienced different traumas, oppression, and difficult times. Reflecting on this experience I realized that often I will find myself wishing I had things that aren’t necessary. We all do. But when you have a reality check of working with people who have nothing but a few changes of clothes, you learn that all the extra stuff in life isn’t necessary. It’s nice, but not necessary. Giving my time may have not been convenient, but it allowed me to not only help those in need but humbled me. It reminded me of what I have and how fortunate I am to have it.

Not as dramatic as helping those less fortunate than I, I really took time this last year for self-care. This was a new lesson that I had claimed I never had the time for. Trying to juggle so many different hats (being a mom, a spouse, a friend, a daughter, a student, a counselor, etc.) was super hard. So many times, my head fell between my hands and I had to take deep breaths to regain my sanity. Few less times that happened this year than last year because my attempt for self-care. Self-care for me doesn’t look like an extravagant day of self- indulging (although that would be nice). It looked more practical for a busy mom. It looked like locking the bathroom door when I took a shower so that no kids could come in. It looked like not doing any work or homework after 9 pm so that I could go to bed on time (I love my sleep!). It looked like changing up my diet to eat more fruits and veggies and less chips- which didn’t feel like self-care until I started feeling the difference in my mood from eating good food. It looked like spending time talking to my kids about their day even though I had a lot I needed to do. Self-care meant doing small things that made my head and heart feel good. It made a huge difference in my life over the last year. It allowed me to feel rejuvenated. It allowed me to feel like a better mom, spouse, friend, daughter, student, and counselor. It allowed me to take time to consider what I wanted in order to be everything that I needed to be for everyone else. Self-care was reframed from something that I can’t have because it’s selfish and I don’t have time, to something necessary.

Growth as a Counselor

This is probably where I’ve had the most growth this year. It hasn’t been easy. I like to tell the people I work with that growth is uncomfortable and it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy for budding therapists either. Facing many insecurities and self-doubts have been the theme of my growth as a counselor. More specifically, learning that it’s okay to not be perfect all the time. Thinking back to the beginning of the year and reflecting on what I thought a counselor should be has shifted. I always wanted to say the “right” thing to help people. Was the approach I was using the most effective? Was what I said the right reflection of their feelings? Was my body language perfectly open? Although these are very good things for counselor to consider (and should), at some point a counselor needs to trust their self. It was uncomfortable to realize that there’s probably never the prefect thing to say or the prefect technique to use. Simply being there for someone when they need a non-judgmentful ear is sometimes all a person needs. Showing that I’m a human, capable of mistakes has left me feeling much more relaxed and present in sessions. I guess what it boils down to is confidence.

Areas to Further Improve

It’d be ridiculous to claim that I’ve have no more areas to continue for self-improvement. Being honest with myself means that I have areas that I need to set goals for, just as I do with the people who sit across the couch from me. Self-improvement is a continual thing, not a destination. Reflecting on how far I have come over the last year as professional and as a person gives me hope that I can continue self-improvement with the momentum I’ve had over the last year. No, I am not going to divulge what I plan on working on over the upcoming year, but I do have some things in mind. I hope to follow up with my success story and a few unexpected lessons learned next year- stay tuned!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

MOLLY LYONS

Molly is currently in her final year of the Master of Science in Clinical Counseling at Central Methodist University (CMU) and is a student intern at The Counseling Hub and Boone County Mental Health Coalition, where she will assess and provide mental health interventions and resources for individuals and groups in Boone County schools. She obtained her Bachelor of Science in General Psychology with a minor in Child Development from Central Methodist University directly before enrolling in the counseling program. Prior to pursuing her counseling degree, Molly received an Associates of Science in Early Childhood Education from Moberly Area Community College. 

Molly has experience in the Counseling Center at MACC's Columbia campus, providing counseling services for students around the topics of identity crises, school-related stressors, depression issues, and coping with anxiety. Molly has co-facilitated Safe Zone trainings which introduce its members to the LGBTQ+ community terminology and basic information. Molly has also completed on online course in LGBTQ+ Counseling Competencies (College and Career Readiness) through the American Counseling Association (ACA). Molly is an active member of both the ACA and the Association for Multicultural Counseling and Development (AMCD).

Molly enjoys working with diverse populations and seeks to always be open to new learning experiences. She works best with individuals who are trying to discover who they are and how they relate to their world, as well as others in their world. Molly believes that a person’s external factors can provide both barriers and resources towards growth and that one must discover these in order to thrive.

Social Support & Community: Chosen Family

I want you to think back with me for a second. Did you have a friend growing up who meant the world to you? Did you have someone you could go to with everything? You knew they would not judge you and they always had your back. Some would call this their “ride or die” or “peanut butter to my jelly.”

If you didn’t have this, well I hope it comes. For the LGBT+ community, when your family does not support you, this “ride or die” is a big part of their life. This is known as your chosen family.

Chosen Family

 Your chosen family are the ones you put as your emergency contact when you fill out paperwork because you know your mom would flip. It’s the sister you always wanted, the brother who loves you as you are, or simply a close friend.

 Chosen families are often formed because individuals are rejected by their actual family, experience homophobia at home, or may not feel supported by their family. Due to the fact that they do not have the love and support they hope for, they seek it elsewhere. Without individuals to support us in any journey of our life, we can begin to feel depressed or alone.

Now you’re probably thinking, “Yeah, I have close friends who I would consider the ‘sister I never had’. That’s my best friend. What’s the difference?” The difference is that your friend is an “extra” while for these individuals, it is all they have. This is so common that a documentary has been created called the “Chosen Family” to show how hard it is!

The Hard Truth

It hurts to think about, but unfortunately, of homeless individuals, sexual minorities rank amongst the highest homeless population. Think about that for a second. When I think of how many people are homeless, it brings me to the fact that so many are left or kicked out because of their sexual or gender identity.  The feeling that you are not accepted for who you are can wreck havoc on your mental well being.

In June of 2016, a nightclub was targeted and 49 individuals were killed. Why were they targeted? Due to the stigmas and hatred surrounding LGBTQ community. There are many aspects of this that are hard and upsetting, but in regards to the chosen family, individuals who share no blood lost their family that night. People in the club lost their “chosen family.” This is also a time where chosen family can come in handy. Your biological family might feel very upset or angry if you were a target of a hate crime, but they do not know what it is like to be a target unless they are apart of the community.

It doesn’t start as a choice

This is part of the hard truth. Most individuals feel as though they do not have many options. Your family can begin as someone showing you how to ask someone out, pick your first dress, go on a date, and anything in between. They provide information and guidance that your biological family cannot. For some, their biological family members include LGBTQ+ members who can provide guidance, which is awesome. Even then, discrimination can take place. Discrimination can show in all sorts of ways, so it is important to be cautious of how we speak to one another. As a family member of LGBTQ+, it is important to also remember that it does not mean they do not love you. Their chosen family provides a strong bond that makes them feel secure. Family members should be happy that their family member has been able to find such close friends to disclose to.

What does a chosen family bring?

Your chosen family provides you individuals who can relate to you. They provide a safe space to talk about emotionally draining topics. Even if your family is completely supportive, you might have family members who don’t understand. Individuals within the community understand what transgender means. Like I said above, they can help guide you and provide information versus having to be taught all of the information.

Family additions

For some sexual minorities, having children can be difficult. Children can also be expensive to reproduce. This could mean the cost of sperm, testing, and all medical procedures. Your family might not happen in this way. Adoption is a great choice, but even that is expensive. People have to make the decision all the time as to what will be best for their future family. There was once a time where they were also denied the right to marry, so someone could not be your partner by law, so they would be your chosen long term partner. Some individuals still decide to not get married. This would be part of your chosen family.

 There also might be a bisexual 50-year-old who possibly meets a bisexual 20-year-old. They are very fond of each other, but have no romantic interest. Thus, they become friends.  The 50-year-old woman was exiled from her family, but the 20-year-old is loved by her sister who knows and “in the closet” with the rest of her family. She needs guidance on dating and how to show she is flirting versus just being kind, so she asks the coworker. Eventually, they form a friendship. Then, the 20-year-old continues to reach out to the 50-year-old even after their jobs take them different ways. She now refers to her as “like a mother.” This would be her chosen mother. It does not mean she does not love her original mother, but she has found guidance, love, support, and parental advisory within an adult in her population. This would be an addition to her family.

 Community Ties

Think of a time where you had to move and uproot your life. If you have not experienced this, imagine what it would be like if you had to right now.  It’s scary, exhausting, thrilling, and everything in between. Depending on what stage of the coming out process you are in, you might want some places to go and people to meet. Having a chosen family can bring you community ties to find places in the area that are supportive and friendly to your community. Depending on where someone lives, this can be really difficult. This might just be John’s house on 9th street because his parents are open minded. It could be a bar for primarily gay people like we have in Columbia. With the growing community, it is important to know what is available to you. There could be support clubs at high schools, local business that celebrate PRIDE, PRIDEfest in your area, and so much more! By connecting with other members of the LGBTQ+ community and forming your own chosen family, you are opening doors you might not even know were there!

Emotional Support

As I said above, it is nice to have people to talk to. Not only is it nice, but it is proven to support your mental health. Having a family who you can rely on, trust, and feel safe with provides a comfort like no other. By getting involved, you have the opportunity to form a bond with people who are experiencing something very similar or have experienced it before. With the high rates of homelessness and suicide, it is important to find people that you have these feelings with. Our team is always open to providing a safe space to explore who you are, but we would highly recommend forming healthy friendships and relationships with others.

If you are a member of the LGBTQ+ community and are in the final phase of coming out, then think of what you might be able to do for someone else. You might be the one that someone wants to come to. You might be the older person in our example above who finds themselves providing guidance to someone. Your role as a chosen family member can be larger than you think. Are you guiding them to seek help when necessary? Are you teaching them about safe hang out spots? Are they a part of other healthy friendships? Have they mentioned what their home life is like? We aren’t saying it is your responsibility, but you have the chance to possibly be a chosen family member that you did not have. Even better, you have the chance to be like the ones you do have!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

MACHAELA RAUSCH- CLIENT LIAISON

Machaela is currently in her second year of the Master of Science in Clinical Counseling program at Central Methodist University (CMU). She is the client liaison for The Counseling Hub where she assists with getting individuals set up with a counselor. She obtained her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology with a minor in Sociology and a minor in Multicultural Studies from the University of Missouri.

 Machaela is currently receiving experience in the Counseling Center at MACC’s Columbia Campus, providing counseling services for students around the topics of identitiy crisis, school-related stressors, depression issues, coping with anxiety, and body image issues. Machaela has attended conferences regarding LGBTQ+ community and currently works for a non profit organization where she provides Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Implementing to individuals with developmental delays. Machaela has worked here for three years. Machaela is an active member of the American Counseling Association (ACA).

 Machaela enjoys working with diverse populations and aims to always be open to new learning experiences. Machaela seeks to be a comforting and kind individual for the first contact with The Counseling Hub. Machaela understands the process of getting into therapy can be difficult and aims to provide people with a smooth process.