Anxiety is the Devil

Anxiety Sucks

Period. 

People describe it as being stuck inside their own personal hell. And there's a lot of truth to that. It's an endless stream of thoughts about worst-case scenarios, what-ifs, past events where you may have said that one thing wrong, and 10 years in the future when xyz might happen. It's incessant.

And exhausting.

We've written before about anxiety (and will likely write again about it). It's important to talk about the experience of having it, as well as ways of coping with it. 

A couple of caveats - finding ways of coping with anxiety doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to go away. Having anxiety or being prone to anxiety might mean an ongoing "struggle." Except for people who have had it a long time and have learned ways of coping, it's less of a struggle and more of a nuisance. For others, it's a perpetual struggle. 

One of the hardest pieces is that it requires a getting-to-know-you experience before anything else. For example, if you wanted to pull a weed, would you just pull the top of it? Probably not. You'd go for the root. You'd dig into the soil around it and make sure you got all the little tendrils out - because you know as well as we do that one root can grow into multiple roots that dig deeper into the soil, and that can grow into multiple weeds that keep spreading in the yard. And then you're out there digging out weeds all the time instead of tending to the garden and the vegetables or plants that you want to grow.

Understanding Your Anxiety

This is the hardest part - often the scariest, too. Because it requires doing the complete opposite of what anybody with anxiety wants to do. It requires turning towards the anxiety, exposing it, questioning it, allowing space for it, and really trying to fully understand what it's about. 

HEAR US OUT, PLEASE!!

We know it sounds ridiculous, but if we don't fully understand what it's about, then how can we be sure to effectively cope with it?! That'd be like a doctor telling you to put your arm in a sling without ever doing an x-ray. Sounds silly, doesn't it? 

it's the same thing. Okay, not the exact same, but very similar. 

There are different kinds of anxiety and they show up in different ways. Not only are there different diagnoses (i.e. generalized, panic disorder, health anxiety), but each diagnosis (depending on the person, although there's some consistency) can be exacerbated by different things, including sleep, life stressors, food, drugs (yes, including alcohol and caffeine), and exercise. That's probably not even all, but it's the start. 

So, before even moving on to coping (which we're going to do, anyway), the first step is really diving into what kind of anxiety you deal with and what exacerbates your anxiety.

Coping with Anxiety

Again, understanding is the most important part, but we're softies and want to share four tried and true methods for coping with anxiety.

1. Exercise. 3-4x/week for 30 minutes at a time. Especially cardio/aerobic exercise. Weights are also good, but aerobic is better. And don't act like you don't already know this is a thing! Everybody knows the need to exercise, but most people don't find the time or don't have the inclination. For anxiety warriors, it's a must.
2. Sleep. I'm pretty sure I read that the majority of the U.S. are sleep deprived. Yes, majority. For people coping with anxiety, that's a no-no. It wreaks havoc on your circadian rhythm (sleep-wake cycle that you body naturally falls into). And good sleep also means good sleep hygiene (i.e. screen time, caffeine consumption). We'll write more about that later.
3. Thoughts. What do you spend your time thinking about? Do you ever take time to be present, or are you stuck in your thoughts more often than not? If the latter (like most folks with anxiety), then this is a great place to start. Pay attention to what you're thinking, how it impacts you emotionally, and how thinking a different thing can make you feel better. 
4. Meditation. Another one that everybody knows is good, but most people don't do. I'll tell you a little secret. Meditation, literally, changes your brain. As in, for real, changes the activity (i.e. slows it down) and structure of your brain. It's unbelievable what it can do for you (most of these things on the list, actually). And if you think that it's "not thinking" for 10 minutes, you're mistaken. It's simply about paying attention to one thing - a mantra, your breathing, the present, an image, or something else. 

There you have it! Four simple (and highly effective) ways of ocping with anxiety. Doing them all on one day won't make everything better, though. Just something to keep in mind. They require consistent practice and you end up seeing profound effects (especially the longer you stick with them).

Good luck, friends! And if you want help along this journey (it can be trying going at it alone), reach out to us. We're happy to support you in any way possible!

6 Myths About Counseling Every Client Needs to Know

Myths of Counseling

Individual Counseling | Columbia, Mo

No long intro here - just keep in mind that any of the following may (or may not) fit with you. These are common, even if the first one is kind of silly, but still important!

1. Your counselor can read your mind.
   Ha! I wish. Seriously, can you imagine a counselor with telepathy? Best. Counselor. EVER. I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but it’s just not true. Counselors can’t read your mind. This is probably why you might think that, though
   
   We’re trained on people and how they engage in peopling in the world. We’re trained to not only listen to the words you’re saying, but also how you’re saying them (i.e. inflection, tone, pacing, pauses), as well as your facial expressions and your body language. I remember reading a statistic somewhere that said communication is 70% nonverbal. SEVENTY PERCENT. That’s a crazy high number, and we make good use of it.
   
   No telepathy, though. ;)
   

2. Once you fully understand the problem, then you’re done with counseling. I mean, yes and no. Yes, having a full understanding of the issue or problem you’re coming in with is important. And no, having a full understanding of the issue or problem is not enough to stop doing the work. The reality is that understanding is the easy part. It’s easy to “know” what you’re supposed to do. Just because you know what to do, do you do it? Exactly.
   
   What most people don’t know or realize, however, is that the actual process of change is where the difficulties really lie. It’s hard to make changes in life. When we understand our problem, that’s the starting point. It’s not that we want to see you forever, but it is that we want you to actually make changes related to your problem before calling it quits with us because that’s where the work really is.
   

3. Personal development has a finish line.
   Most people think that they’re going to be pristine at the end of counseling and that they’re never going to deal with their problem again - they’ve got it totally figured out, have made changes, have been practicing their new way of being in the world, and accept (for lack of a better word) perfection.
   
   WRONG.
   
   I love y’all, but that’s so wrong. Our growth is perpetual. The point of counseling is to unblock a jam that’s impeding growth, it’s not to rush you to your finish line. And, technically, the ultimate finish line is death. Until that point, our bodies and minds are constantly evolving and changing. It’s seriously amazing how humans operate.
   

4. Counseling is the same thing as friendship.
   You know, this is one I really understand, but still need to put on here. Counseling and friendship are absolutely not the same thing. The counselor-client relationship can be such an intimate experience. Imagine being able to bare your soul with another person who not only makes space for it, but encourages it and is actually interested in hearing and listening. As in, really listening. It’s unprecedented for many people who come in the door. It’s also welcome.
   
   Here’s the difference, though. Friendship is a two-way street and counseling is not. You’re not going to have a counselor who relies on you to talk about and listen to their problems (yes, counselors are human and have their own issues - it’s a human thing, not a you thing). Counselors are also trained in how to say things at the right time, rather than just dole out advice. I love my friends, but if I want objective advice from somebody without their own agenda, then I’m probably going to my counselor.
   

5. Counseling is a sign of weakness.
   Ugh, this one grinds my gears. I’ll leave you with this (rhetorical) question. If it takes work and is difficult to be honest and feel unpleasant (and pleasant, for some people) feelings and to talk about things that are eatin away at you on the inside, then why is counseling a sign of weakness? If I told you to squat 1000 pounds or run 15 miles and you hadn’t trained at all, would you say that was a sign of weakness? NO. You’d practice and then you’d do it. For whatever reason, we think that talking about something that’s difficult means that it shouldn’t be talked about. WHAT. WHY?! It means that it should be practiced (i.e. talked about) and that muscle grown.
   

6. Counselors are humorless.
   Uuumm, I really, really hope that my clients don’t think this. Sure, one sense of humor doesn’t jive with everybody, but the counseling relationship isn’t one where there’s never any laughing or joking, where there aren't any niceties or catching up on random television shows - it’s a human relationship, not strictly a business relationship. It’s one where people can show up fully and if connection with others includes laughing, then that’s included in counseling, too. Counseling is all about connecting.

My favorite part about this list is that you can bring it up with your counselor and talk (or laugh) about it!

That's the beauty of a therapeutic relationship. There's nothing  that has to be left unsaid. The space you and your counselor co-create in sessions should be one of warmth, empathy, understanding, and safety. And all of those things would imply that you could talk about things that you might not feel comfortable talking about outside of sessions. Regardless of whether you do this or not, it's nice to know it's a possibility.

That’s all for today. We love myths and love to write about how, as the name implies, they’re not truths.  Happy counseling, everybody!

Email us right now to get your questions answered or your session scheduled!