My Friend is Driving Me Crazy - What Do I Do?!
We focus on relationships at The Counseling Hub, but when we talk about relationships, we’re not specifically talking about romantic relationships or intimate partnerships. The term relationship implies relationships of any kind. And, much like with partnerships, relationships contain their own set of problems.
Here are three things you can do if you have a friendship with somebody who is currently driving you crazy (colloquially speaking).
Antidotes to the Four Horsemen
Hallelujah, am I right?! You didn’t think that I’d leave you in the lurch, did you?!
Pfffft! C’mon now, you should know me better than that at this point!
Contempt - Horsemen 4/4
In marriage therapy terms, we see contempt as a moral superiority over one's partner. Basically, if you're contemptuous, you see yourself as better than your partner and as having the 'moral' high ground…
Stonewalling - Horsemen 3/4
And it’s on to the next one. Stonewalling, my friends. This is the third horseman of the four. This one is pretty interesting, though, in that there’s some physiology that’s at play.
This is the long and short of what happens.
Partners A and B start having a discussion with heart rates around 70 beats per minute (average). It shifts into a conflict discussion/argument/disagreement. Partner A’s heart rate jumps to 80 beats per minute the second the conversation heats up. Partner B’s heart rate has gone up to about 74.
Engaging Emotionally with Your Partner
One of the most common themes I see between hetero couples (some same-gender couples, but lots of hetero) is that they are speaking two different languages.
Not literally, obviously, but they may as well be. Couples will come into session, feeling infuriated, misunderstood, and irritated with the other. She's upset because he's not listening. He's upset because she doesn't make any sense. They both are trying to say their piece, but aren't getting through to one another.