My Friend is Driving Me Crazy - What Do I Do?!

My Friend is Driving Me Crazy - What Do I Do?!

We focus on relationships at The Counseling Hub, but when we talk about relationships, we’re not specifically talking about romantic relationships or intimate partnerships. The term relationship implies relationships of any kind. And, much like with partnerships, relationships contain their own set of problems.

Here are three things you can do if you have a friendship with somebody who is currently driving you crazy (colloquially speaking). 

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Antidotes to the Four Horsemen

Antidotes to the Four Horsemen

Hallelujah, am I right?! You didn’t think that I’d leave you in the lurch, did you?! 

Pfffft! C’mon now, you should know me better than that at this point!

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Stonewalling - Horsemen 3/4

Stonewalling - Horsemen 3/4

And it’s on to the next one. Stonewalling, my friends. This is the third horseman of the four. This one is pretty interesting, though, in that there’s some physiology that’s at play.

This is the long and short of what happens.

Partners A and B start having a discussion with heart rates around 70 beats per minute (average). It shifts into a conflict discussion/argument/disagreement. Partner A’s heart rate jumps to 80 beats per minute the second the conversation heats up. Partner B’s heart rate has gone up to about 74.

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Why Friendship Matters in a Long-Term Relationship
relationship counseling, Gottman Method Tara Vossenkemper relationship counseling, Gottman Method Tara Vossenkemper

Why Friendship Matters in a Long-Term Relationship

I think this is going to be a really obvious blog for people who are reading, but I've been surprised before, so it's worth it to share. 

When I work with couples, I tell them that the work they do is broken down into three large themes (too much detail to get into, seriously), all of which are based around the Gottman's work. We spend time on conflict (duh - that's what most people come in for), existential issues (i.e. life roles, dreams, meaning), and friendship

Yes, friendship.

Seems really simple, right? "Just be friends with your partner!" is what they tell you, "Laugh together!" is what they say. But when you're in the throes of conflict, or when you can't even look at your partner without feeling resentment or rage or exhausting frustration or defeat, then laughing together seems like the absolute furthest thing from what you're capable of.

And, to be honest, that's not the type of thing I would tell you

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Three Keys to a Successful Relationship

Three Keys to a Successful Relationship

There are three basic things you can do to make sure that your relationship is in a good place. Granted, I can't make you (or your partner or partners) do any of these things, but I can let you know what these basic things are in the hopes that you'll start to implement them. 

Let's get clear on one quick thing. These things are simple, yes. Although they aren't necessarily easy.

Of course not, right?

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