You know what you want when you’re jealous. At least, you know part of what you want. You might (read: probably) need to think deeper about the jealousy, but you at least have a direction that you know you want to move in. That shit is sacred, folks. Would you rather be floating endlessly through life with little to no sense of “ooh, there, I want to go there,” or would you rather have your eye on the thing you want, even though you know you’re not there yet?
And it’s on to the next one. Stonewalling, my friends. This is the third horseman of the four. This one is pretty interesting, though, in that there’s some physiology that’s at play.
This is the long and short of what happens.
Partners A and B start having a discussion with heart rates around 70 beats per minute (average). It shifts into a conflict discussion/argument/disagreement. Partner A’s heart rate jumps to 80 beats per minute the second the conversation heats up. Partner B’s heart rate has gone up to about 74.
There are three basic things you can do to make sure that your relationship is in a good place. Granted, I can't make you (or your partner or partners) do any of these things, but I can let you know what these basic things are in the hopes that you'll start to implement them.
Let's get clear on one quick thing. These things are simple, yes. Although they aren't necessarily easy.
Of course not, right?
This may be my favorite series of posts EVER.
First and foremost, I love anxiety. To experience it can be hell (and that's putting it mildly), but I love to talk about it with clients because a) it normalizes what they're going through, and b) it de-stigmatizes anxiety. Both of which are wins.
Secondly, this is a multi-part blog. Anxiety is a lot. There are many ways of looking at it and understanding it, and I'm going to try to do it some justice by writing about it from each of those angles. For those of you who are wondering, "Um.. what angles is she talking about?" These angles: existential, biological and genetic (not the same, but will be covered at the same time because they can be confusing to understand as separate), evolutionary, psychological, and behavioral.
Y'all are going to think I'm crazy, but this is way too relevant to not share.
Okay - so most of us want to figure out what our problems are so that we can change them right away, so that we can fix them and be done with it. I mean, people come into therapy and counseling specifically for that reason. They feel some level of distress (something isn't quite working in their life) and they're not quite sure what or how to "fix it."
Here's where I come in...
